husband: I am hooome!
wife: kids, quick, open the door, I think your father is coming back!
h: where is everybody? Sweetie, where are you?
w: I have to finish my nails and in half an hour I am seeing my hairdresser.
h: Oh, OK. anything for dinner today?
w: well, we got some canned stuff - your favorite ham and bean soup. Takes you five minutes to warm it up. Look in the freezer, Mike left some Mc Donald ice cream in there for you. Not much, a small left over but it should be enough and it\'s your favorite too - maple walnut!
H: Man, I am beat! You think I could sit down and relax for a second first.
w: Oh, sure, you know where the can opener is, take your time!
H: It would be nice if one of the kids or you could whip something up for me real qiuckly - while I am resting.
W: I don\'t know what\'s WRONG with YOU? Got broken arms? And please, don\'t try to get our daughter involved in things like dinners - she is seeing her boyfriend in a few minutes. Sigismund means everything to her! And, Michael, btw is going out to pick his nose with his buddies. You DO know how important the peer pressure is nowadays!???
H: Oh, I do dear, I do. Where can I lie down? It seems like the laundry is all over the couch. And...Wow, what is that? Whose iguana is that?
W: he is totally harmless and cheap to feed which can\'t be said about other individuals living in this house...hmhmhmhm (wife thinking: his soup alone cost me 99 cents, I can\'t afford splurging on him like that anymore!)
H: Sweetie Pie, I am really really tired, is there anything else lying on our bed upstairs that I should be aware of?
W: oh, not much...just a few bras and some women underwear that I haven\'t had the time to clean up. Just chuck it all on the floor! I will be home after ten, I will tidy it up then.
Husband from upstairs: Chist! did you put a pin cushion in our bed? What is that???
Jees, sorry sweets, it must be Michael\'s pet porcupine. I told him to keep that thing locked out of our bedroom. Boy, am I ever glad it wasn\'t me!
H: ach, that\'s all right ...is our dog\'s blanket still by the fire place? I think I will rest on it for a few minutes, if it\'s OK with you?
W: Oh, sweetheart, don\'t make me sad, but Perky didn\'t sleep well last night and he needs some rest in the worst way. I have an idea! You know, the tent is still in the backyard....plenty of room for you and nobody will bother you.
H: Thanks, baby, I don\'t know what I would do without you!
W: Oh, I know, you need a strong role model in your life and you are so LUCKY you\'ve found one in me! I can be the envy of all husbands!
H: Yes, dear! So where is the can opener?