Rozprawka- bardzo proszę o sprawdzenie

Temat przeniesiony do archwium
Witam :) Bardzo proszę o sprawdzenie rozprawki. Z góry dziękuję. Każda wskazówka mile widziana.

Temat : Coraz częściej słyszymy o osobach, które decydują się wyruszyć samotnie na trudną wyprawę – opłynąć Ziemię, dotrzeć na biegun, zdobyć niedostępny szczyt itp. Napisz rozprawkę , w której przedstawisz wady i zalety odbycia takiej wyprawy samotnie.

More and more people set out with the intention of start difficult expedition alone for example ascend inaccessible peak. However, it does have both advantages and disadvantages, as outlined below.

First advantage of lonely expedition is that the person which is decided to accept this challenge shows others that when you really want something you can achieve even the most difficult goals. This really develops, learns perseverance in hard situations and can be example for others. A further advantage of this kind of excursion is that this person can become famous, go down in the record books and thanks to her a lot of people which for instance dream about it, will believe that is possible to score it.

The main disadvantage of tripping alone is that it is truly risky. Deciding on lonely journey we have to reckon with unexpected situations like for instance sudden climate changes. Furthermore, we are thrown back at ourselves, we can’t count on helping hand when we are in danger. Another drawback of lonely expedition is that our family can be worried about us and no one knows how this trip will end because in the worst case we are risking our live.

Having considered both sides of the argument I think that lonely expedition is marvelous way to develop yourself but only when is good planned.
More and more people set out with the intention of startING (daj tutaj przedimek bo mowisz o konkretnej, jednej) difficult expedition alone for example (brak slowa) ascend (przedimek) inaccessible peak. However, 'it' (nie jest jasne do czego to it sie odnosi, musisz wytlkumaczyc) does have both advantages and disadvantages. 'as outlined below' (niepotrzebne slowa) .

(brak przedimka) first advantage of (przedimek) 'lonely' (nie, to jest zle slowo, o czym myslisz to solo albo a lone) expedition is that the person 'which' (o zyjacych stworzeniach zawsze who, tutaj who) 'is' (zly slowo, tutaj has) decided to accept this challenge shows others that when you really want something you can achieve even the most difficult goals. This really develops, 'learns' (tu masz zle slowo, a teacher, a something teaches you, nie learns) perseverance in hard situations and can be (przedimek) example for others. A further advantage of this kind of 'excursion' (nie, tutaj inne slowo) is that this person can become famous, go down in the record books and thanks to 'her' (a dlaczego od razu kobiety wychodza na gore?) a lot of people 'which' (zmien) for instance dream about it, will believe that is possible to 'score it' (calkowicie zle pojecie).

The main disadvantage of 'tripping' (nie uzywaj tego slowo. Tripping to znaczy jak ktos wezmie ciezkie drugs i spada wtedy, to nazywa sie tripping) alone is that it is truly risky. Deciding on (przedimek) lonely journey 'we' (dlaczego 'we' jak wczesniej pisales o jednej osobie - consistency) have to reckon with unexpected situations like for instance sudden climate changes. Furthermore, 'we' (popraw) are thrown back at ourselves, we can’t count on (przedimek) helping hand when we are in danger. Another drawback of lonely expedition is that our family can be worried about us and no one knows how this trip will end because in the worst case we are risking our 'live' (tutaj potrzeny jest rzeczownik a nie czasownik).

Having considered both sides of the argument I think that 'lonely' (zmien) expedition is (przedimek) marvelous way to develop yourself but only when IT is 'good' (co to z tym slowem jest - tutaj nalezy uzyj WELL) planned. (You plan something well, a nie you plan something good)
1
ale przed expedition przedimek nieokreślony
1
Bardzo dziękuję za cenne wskazówki. Widzę, że dużo przede mną a uczę się teraz sama i dawno nie pisałam po angielsku. Lecą łapki w górę :P Buziaki :*

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