Błagam o pomoc

Bardzo proszę o pomoc. Mam za zadanie napisać historyjkę, w której opowiadam o swoim najdziwniejszym śnie... Ma to być napisane w
4 czasch i nie bardzo wiem czy dobrze ich użyłam. Te czasy to: past perfect, past continuous, past simple i past perfect
continuous. Ta historyjka ma mieć od 1[tel]wyrazów. Nie wiem co zrobić, żeby ją ubarwić i czy nie ma w niej błędów. Bardzo
proszę o sugestie i korektę :).

Oto ona:

I had the strangest dream last night. I was walking down a road and it was hot. The road was almost deserted, empty and dry. I was
thirsty. I knew that if I didn’t find someone soon, I was in real trouble.

I turned with the bend of the road and there was a man looked like criminal. When he saw me, he took out bottle of water but I was
afraid to ask about it.

I had been walking for two hours when I came to a shop. There was a lots bottles but empty. After few minutes I found one full of
water. I was drinking and I fall down. Eventually I woke up in hospital.

Cała historyjka ma 117 wyrazów.

Przepraszam, ale ograniczę się do kilku korekt. Nie mam pomysłów na ubarwienie opowiadania. Zresztą, jeśli o mnie chodzi, jest całkiem fajne :)

I knew that if I didn't find someone soon, I was in real trouble.

Wydaje mi się, że to jest poprawne, ale może bezpieczniej będzie posłużyć się klasycznym I okresem warunkowym przeniesionym w przeszłość:

... I would be in real trouble.

I turned with the bend of the road and there was a man *who* looked like *a* criminal. When he saw me he took out *a* bottle of water, but I was +too+
afraid to ask *for* it.

I had been walking for two hours when I came to a shop. There bottles, but +all of them+ empty. After *a* few minutes I found one full of
water. +As+ I was drinking +I suddenly felt very weak and+ *fell* (down). Eventually I woke up in hospital.

..Więc jednak coś dodałem :)

Dzięki wielkie :)