proszę o sprawdzenie opowiadania

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
„EXTREME REMEDIES ARE VERY APPROPRIATE FOR EXTREME DISASES”
- What a beautiful, sunny day- thought Luke, when he enter to Library. The place is completely empty, not calculating the librarian and the man which are lead in lively conversation. In the same moment, when the door close with silent creak, the man take out a gun and shoot twice. Luke horrified look at librarian, who fall on the floor.
- Why you do that? – Luke exclaim frightened.
But the man doesn’t have time to give him answer, because the door again creak and to Library get in young girl.
- Why you holding the gun? - girl asking the man politely, with big smile.
- You are my hostages – say man without any emotions – Please, close the door. I don’t want any more guests.
When Luke closing door, the man take out handcuffs.
- I was prepared for only one hostage, but I believe that you don’t have nothing against the company of this beautiful women – the man say to Luke, and chain Luke and the girl together.
- Hi – the girl sending a charming smile – What’s your name?
- Luke.
- I’m Madeleine. Nice to meet you.
- Sorry, but I don’t think that it’s a good moment to start the friendship – say Luke nervous, constantly watching the man, who already looking for something in the books.
Madeleine start making bizarre movements to reach her handbag, which is not very far, but her resigned companion is enormous impediment. At least, she capture handbag and open it.
- What are you doing?! – whisper Luke.
- I have a key – explain Madeline.
- Key? We don’t need the key! We need the gun! Big gun.
- It’s quite pointed. When the man come back, I will stab him on eye, and you take him the gun.
- It’s very extreme solution. And it’s completely stupid! - say irritating Luke.
- We’re in extreme situation, and we need extreme solution. If we don’t attack, he will kill us.
The man is coming back, and they excellently hear his steps on the floor…
uzywasz samych bezokolicznikow, np. Luke popatrzec na bibliotekarza, ktory upasc na podloge.
Zacznij od tego (zamiewn czasowniki na czas przeszly), potem zajmiemy sie innymi bledami.
Faktycznie, babola niezłego odwaliłam :) Mniej więcej tak wygląda ta "poprawiona" wersja:

- What a beautiful, sunny day- thought Luke, when he enter to Library. The place was completely empty, not calculating the librarian and the man which were leading in lively conversation. In the same moment, when the door was closing with silent creak, the man took out a gun and shot twice. Luke horrified looked at librarian, who fall on the floor.
- Why you do that? – Luke exclaimed frightened.
But the man didn’t have time to give him answer, because the door again creak and to Library got in young girl.
- Why you’re holding the gun? - girl asked the man politely, with big smile.
- You are my hostages – said man without any emotions – Please, close the door. I don’t want any more guests.
When Luke was closing the door, the man took out handcuffs.
- I was prepared for only one hostage, but I believe that you don’t have nothing against the company of this beautiful women – the man said to Luke, and chained Luke and the girl together.
- Hi – the girl sent a charming smile – What’s your name?
- Luke.
- I’m Madeleine. Nice to meet you.
- Sorry, but I don’t think that it’s a good moment to start the friendship – said Luke nervous, constantly watching the man, who already looking for something in the books.
Madeleine was starting make bizarre movements to reach her handbag, which is not very far, but her resigned companion was enormous impediment. At least, she captured handbag and open it.
- What are you doing?! – whispered Luke.
- I have a key – explained Madeline.
- Key? We don’t need the key! We need the gun! Big gun.
- It’s quite pointed. When the man come back, I will stab him on eye, and you take him the gun.
- It’s very extreme solution. And it’s completely stupid! - said irritating Luke.
- We’re in extreme situation, and we need extreme solution. If we don’t attack, he will kill us.
The man was coming back, and they excellently heard his steps on the floor…
- What a beautiful, sunny day- thought Luke, when he enter (zly czas) THE Library. The place was completely empty, not calculating (dobry czas, zle slowo) the librarian and the man WHO were holding the gun? - THE girl asked the man politely, with A big smile.
- You are my hostages - said man without any emotions - Please, close the door. I don't want any more guests.
When Luke was closing the door, the man took out handcuffs.
- I was prepared for only one hostage, but I believe that you Won't have ANYTHING against the company of this beautiful women - the man said to Luke, and chained Luke and the girl together.
- Hi - the girl sent a charming smile - What's your name?
- Luke.
- I'm Madeleine. Nice to meet you.
- Sorry, but I don't think that it's a good moment to start A friendship - said Luke nervousLY, constantly watching the man, who WAS already looking for something in the books.
Madeleine was starting TO make bizarre movements to reach her handbag, which is (zly czas) not very far AWAY, but her resigned (wymysl lepszy przymiotnik) companion was AN enormous impediment. At last, she captured (zle slowo) HER handbag and openED it.
- What are you doing?! - whispered Luke.
- I have a key - explained Madeline.
- Key? We don't need the key! We need A gun! A big gun.
- It's quite pointed. When the man comeS back, I will stab him In THE eye, and you take hiS gun.
- It's A very extreme solution and it's completely stupid! - [said irritating..zle, sprobuj "grumbled, hissed, protested itd"] Luke.
- We're in AN extreme situation, and we need AN extreme solution. If we don't attack, he will kill us.
The man was coming back, and they [excellently heard...zle] his steps on the floor...
Additional note:
Dialogs in English required "quotation marks" (cudzyslow).
If I were grading your assignment, I would mark you down for incorrect punctuation usage (not sure of your level). The correct usage of quotation marks (and related punction including commas and periods) in dialogs is more complicated than in Polish.

If you're curious, read more here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quotation_mark

There are differences between AmE and BrE usage.

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