Proszę o poprawę błędów

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Skarga formalna bez adresu i daty tylko treść listu. Proszę o poprawę błędów.

Dear Sir

I am writing to you to express my total dissatisfaction with the service and tent I bought in your company two weeks ago.

Unfortunately, it was nothing like what I except.

Firstly of all, it was not working even five minutes. After I extended tent I could not got in because the zip got stuck. Moreover, your advertisement was saying as there fits four people. I and my wife are not tall or obese. We are rather short and slim but we with our daughter barely fit in this tent.

To make matters worse, the canvas was slightly torn and it is not making of quality, durable cotton. Again, it was something highlighted in your advertisement

I must also point out that I ordered blue and I obtained pink. What is more I should got free gas lamp but I did not receive one.

I cannot tolerate such a bad service and stuff for such great money. I demand a full refund I have paid for this stuff.

I hope to receive money very quickly or I will be forced to take same further action. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Your faithfully
XYZ
Nie jestem autorytetem, ale:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to express my total dissatisfaction with the service and the tent I bought in your company two weeks ago. OK

Unfortunately, 'it' (do czego to się odnosi? Vagueness) was nothing like what I 'except' (złe słowo).

Moja propozycja: The purchase did not fit the description.

edit: The rest of it will check somebody more competent.
edytowany przez grudziu: 25 mar 2014
Zmień,
extended np pitched
fits np sleeps
Również,
What is more I should got ... spróbuj poprawić
+ inne błędy;)
edytowany przez fui_eu: 25 mar 2014