Prosze pomóżcie! to naprawde ważne.

Oto moje wypracowanie. zapewne zawiera jakies błedy wiec prosze o sprawdzenie.. to bardzo wazne. z góry bardzo dziekuje za odzew.


It was a beautiful spring day and the sun was shining. I was walking about with my girlfriend across park. Suddenly we heard awful screech.
We fastly run to place in which this sound came. Firstly we couldn’t see anything. When we were looking around some man went out from bushes and began running away. After it we had approached to this place cautiously. What we saw there really scared us. In bushes was laying naked girl. She was crying.
I had covered girl a coat fastly and asked that constant. She told us that a man had abducted and reped her.
When I was talking with this girl my girlfriend phoned to police. A policeman arrived after 20 minutes.
I and my girlfriend tried describe this man but we hadn’t seen his face so we couldn’t help police. Finally it was the worst experience in my life. I had never been so scared and surprised in all my life.

I was walking 'about' ('about' znajdz inne slowo - to wyglada bardzo koloq) with my girlfriend across THE park. Suddenly we heard AN awful screech.
We 'fastly' (fastly' to nie jest to slowo - mozna 'quickly) 'run' (run to jest czas teraz. a tutaj potrzeba czasu przeszlego od 'run') to THE place FROM which this sound came. 'Firstly' (nie, lepiej 'At first') we couldn't see anything. When we 'were looking' (lepiej 'looked around')'A' (zamiast 'some')man 'went out' (nie, went - to tutaj by znaczylo poszedl, a ty masz na mysli wyszedl, to znaczy 'came')OUT from THE bushes and began running away. 'After it'(co to 'it' tutaj znaczy-napewno nie znaczy 'tego','po tym', lepiej 'After that') we 'had' (bez 'had') approached 'to' (po co uzywasz 'to' tutaj) this place (nie rob tego bledu z tym 'this place'- jaki to place - tutaj myslisz o 'bushes' to napisz tak) - cautiously. What we saw there really scared us. In THE bushes 'was laying' (nie simple past wystarczy - 'lay') A naked girl. She was crying. 'I had covered girl a coat fastly'(przeczytaj to jeszcze raz - zauwaz kolejnosc slow w zdaniu - podpowiem, I (bez 'had') quickly covered the girl with my coat) and asked 'that constant' (jaki constant? co to znaczy?). She told us that THE man had abducted and reped her.
'When' (nie 'when' moze 'As I was') talking TO this girl my girlfriend 'phoned' (lepiej w calosci - telephoned) THE police. A policeman arrived after 20 minutes.
'I and my girlfriend' (zla kolejnosc slow - lepiej 'my girlfiriend and I') tried TO describe thE man (mozna dodac, 'to the policeman') but we hadn't seen his face so we couldn't help THE police. 'Finally' (moze lepiej 'all in all') it was the worst experience OF my life. I had never been so scared and surprised (dlaczego surprised? moze lepiej 'shocked') in all my life.

>man had abducted and reped her.

man had abducted and RAPED her.

I was walking 'about'[wandering around] ('about' znajdz inne slowo - to wyglada bardzo
>koloq) with my girlfriend across THE park. [when suddenly, within the earshot of birds twitter we heard an eerie screech] Suddenly we heard AN awful
>screech.
>We 'fastly' [mozna swiftly] (fastly' to nie jest to slowo - mozna 'quickly) 'run' (run
>to jest czas teraz. a tutaj potrzeba czasu przeszlego od 'run') to THE
>place FROM which this sound came. 'Firstly' (nie, lepiej 'At first')
>we couldn't see anything. When we 'were looking' (lepiej 'looked
>around')'A' (zamiast 'some')man 'went out' (nie, went - to tutaj by
>znaczylo poszedl, a ty masz na mysli wyszedl, to znaczy 'came')OUT [came to takie zalagodne - had jumped out of the bushes and scurried onwards]
>from THE bushes and began running away. 'After it'(co to 'it' tutaj
>znaczy-napewno nie znaczy 'tego','po tym', lepiej 'After that') we
>'had' (bez 'had') approached 'to' (po co uzywasz 'to' tutaj) this
>place (nie rob tego bledu z tym 'this place'- jaki to place - tutaj
>myslisz o 'bushes' to napisz tak) - cautiously. What we saw there
>really scared us [stiff -by troche podkrecic akcje :D ]. In THE bushes 'was laying' (nie simple past
>wystarczy - 'lay') A naked girl. She was crying. 'I had covered girl a
>coat fastly'(przeczytaj to jeszcze raz - zauwaz kolejnosc slow w
>zdaniu - podpowiem, I (bez 'had') quickly covered the girl with my
>coat) and asked 'that constant' [tez nie wiem o co CI chodzilo](jaki constant? co to znaczy?). She
>told us that THE man had abducted and reped her.
>'When' (nie 'when' moze 'As I was') talking TO this girl my girlfriend
>'phoned' (lepiej w calosci - telephoned) THE police. A policeman
>arrived after 20 minutes.
>'I and my girlfriend' (zla kolejnosc slow - lepiej 'my girlfiriend and
>I') tried TO describe thE man (mozna dodac, 'to the policeman') but we
>hadn't seen his face so we couldn't help THE police. 'Finally' (moze
>lepiej 'all in all') it was the worst experience OF my life. I had
>never been so scared and surprised (dlaczego surprised? moze lepiej
>'shocked') in all my life.

Popracuj nad tym - weź sobie uwgi terri do serca :D
Przydałoby sie więcej linking words - bo brakuje mi spójności troszke.
Ale generaalnie jest Ok.