writing

cześć. miałam na zadank napisać narrative story containing following words:
stagger, explicit, deficient, snigger, glower.
mogłabym kogos z was prosic o sprawdzenie? Please, to tylko jakieś 170 słów, a dla mnie to bardzo ważne.

A loud thunder boomed in the sky overhead. Extremely worn out and soaking wet we were trying to find a route leading to a hostel. The only passer-by we met was a drunk, STAGGERING, old man. We asked him about the way, but all in vain. His instructions were not EXPLICIT enough to let us reach our destination.
\"If only I had not read that article about healthy lifestyle!\" I thouht. I should have changed my eating habits, as my diet is severely DEFICIENT in vitamins, instead of going on a mountain trip. In my mind\'s eye I saw my sister SNIGGERING at me. It was she, who deviously told me that going on such trips is the best way to keep my body fit.
As it was getting colder I suggested calling for Mountain Rescue Team*. Firstly everybody GLOWERED at me, but soon they had to admit it was not a mistaken idea. Before long, safe and sound we got to the hostel and crawled into beds completely exhausted.

* - nie wiedziałam jak napisać Górskie pootowie ratunkowe... Może być tak?

Z góry dziękuję.

??????????????????????????

???????????????????????????????????????

to zadanie do szkoły?
wydaje mi się, że jest całkiem nieźle napisane, tak więc chyba możesz je oddać nauczycielce w takiej formie... ale może lepiej, aby wypowiedzieli się eksperci, tzn. ktoś, kto angielski zna lepiej od Ciebie, ode mnie i stock ridera, który najwyraźniej tylko znaki zapytania potrafi wypisywać...

hej, co z wami? Nikt z was nie mógłby poświęcić 5 minut, aby mi pomóc?

zaznaczam, ze nie mam zadnych kompetencji...

> A loud thunder boomed in the sky overhead. Extremely worn out and
nie pasuje mi extremely... moze completely raczej
We asked him
>about the way, but all in vain.
mysle, ze powino byc we asked him the way
\"If only I had not read that article about healthy lifestyle!\" I
>thouht.
przed I thought (to myself) przecinek
>told me that going on such trips is the best way to keep my body fit.
moze wywalic \"my body\"?
Mountain Rescue
>Team*.
dobrze, ale chyba trzeba THE albo A
>Firstly everybody GLOWERED at me, but soon they had to admit it
At first

>was not a mistaken idea. Before long, safe and sound we got to the
>hostel and crawled into beds completely exhausted.

nie pasuje mi before long na poczatku, ale nie potrafie tego uzasadnic;/ mozliwe ze mam jakis uraz i cos mi sie wydaje

i raczej \"into our beds\"
no i nie wiem czy to nie letka sprzecznosc, bo cali i zdrowi ale kompletnie wyczerpani

aaaa. jkeszcze jedno.
>It was she, who deviously told me that going on such trips is the best way to keep my body fit.

such trips WAS the best way....

no i nie wiem czy nie powinno byc \"who HAD deviously TOLD me...

A loud clap of thunder crashed in the sky overhead. Extremely worn and soaking wet, we were trying to find the shortest route to the hostel. The only passer-by we met was a drunken old man. We asked him the way, but he mumbled something to himself and staggered away, taking his no doubt specific tips on how to get there with him.

As I was getting cold, I suggested calling the mountain search and rescue for help. At first the guys didn\'t like the idea and sniggered at me, \"you know, we are not going to die or anything\"; but then, as I insisted and they realized the trouble we were in, I got a few glowering looks but they admitted it wasn\'t a bad idea after all. Before long, the rescue arrived and gave us directions to the hostel. It was a ramshackle place, no running water, dilapidated toilets, and no kitchen to speak of. Despite all the horrible deficiencies, it was our home for the day. We crawled into beds completely exhausted.

o, wlasnie... powinienes byc dentysta. z ust mi to wyjales...

Dzięki za pomoc, ale prosiłam o ewentualną poprawę mojego tekstu, a nie napisanie swojej wersji. Jak inaczej mogę się nauczyć pisać poprawnie? Przepisywanie tzw. \"gotowców\" nie załatwi sprawy. Poza tym nie uzyłeś/aś słowa EXPLICIT...