Prosze rzuccie okiem

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Czesc! Mam na angielski napisac list biznesowy. Jest to zażalenie pisane do fabryki samochodowej z spowodu niewykonania zamowienia. Prosze poprawcie błedy. To dla mnie wazne i czekam na wasze uwagi. Z gory dzieki!

Thames Valley Garages Ltd
Bletchley Avenue
Stony Stretford
Buckinghamshire
MK91 1AA

5 December 2004


Mr P Goodrich
Sales Director
Rheinland Pfalz Motor Fabriken (UK) Ltd
RP House
Ipswich Road
Peterborough
PE6 9HK



Dear Mr Goodrich

The order No KXT4592. Three Turbo Tourers HK SL4

I regret that I must inform you that our order is still does not realized. Our company ordered 3 cars – HK SL4 Turbo Tourers (2 Stardust White, 1 Moonlight Silver) on 3 April 2004. The same day we receive confirmed. Then you promise meeting the delivery deadline and carry out assignment before 25 April.

We are now left in position where our three costumers are annoyed. This, as I am sure you understand is not only disappointing to me, but also could mean that my customer cancel their order, which is worth 130,585 pounds. Our company cannot afford to lose such valuable and exceptional business.

I have to say that we need the cars immediately and if you cannot promise this we shall have to consider approaching a different car manufacturer. I expect a full explanation of this unpleasant problem and also offer of compensation and an apology because of so considerable late.

I am sorry to have to write you in such a tone. This situation cannot be allowed to happen again. I am looking forward to your fast respond.

Yours sincerely

A. Candidate
Personal Assist to the Sales Manager
tak się składa, że też pisałam ten list ;)
podam Ci swoją wersję, porównasz

Thames Valley Garages Ltd.
Bletchley Avenue
Stony Stretford
Buckinghamsire
MK91 1AA

10 May 1999

Mr P. Goodrich
Sales Director
Rheinland Pfalz Motor Fabriken (UK) LTD.
RP House
Ipswich Road
Peterborough
PE6 9HK

Dear Mr Goodrich

ORDER No KXT 4592. THREE TURBO TOURERS HK SL4

I am wrtining with reference to the order no KXT 4592 from 3.April. It was sent by telex on the same day with reference number 5466 3.04. 12.30. We received an acknowledgement (ref.no 7856 3.04 14.46) where you assured that there would be no delay in supply.

Despite your assurances, three TURBO TOURERS HK SL4 have not yet been delivered, whereas the deadline was 25.April. We are strongly disappointed especially considering our previous cooperation. Owing to this delay the cancellation of the order is very likely. The lost of such valuable customers would be rather unfavourable for our company.

It would be appreciated if you undertake an immediate enquiry into this issue. Moreover, we demand supplying all ordered cars without any further delay to the address above. In case you don't take any action we will consider another supplier.

Yours sincerely,
XYZ
Personal Assistant to the Sales Manager


to było ocenione na "v.good", podkreślone (pewnie jako nie do końca stosowne ) było "into" po enquiry, "moreover" i "supplying| po demand.

pozdrawiam
najmocniej przepraszam za literówki, w oryginale ich nie było...
Dzieki bardzo za Twoja wersje. Na pewno sie przyda male porownanie.
hello, liscik calkiem ciekawy ale wydaje mi sie ze kilka rzeczy powinno wygladac nieco inaczej np.
- I must inform you that our order is still not realized (strona bierna) a nie ...still does not realised
-...the same day we received confirmation
- Then you promised to meet the delivery deadline and
carry out assignment before 25 April.
- ......you understand,
- my customer(s) will cancel.....
- we shall consider other car manufacturer
- I expect a full explanation of this unpleasant problem
and also demand a compensation and an apology for causing such a
considerable delay.
- I am sorry to write you in such manner. This situation cannot
be allowed to happen again. (mozna dodac) I do hope you will give this matter your prompt attention and I am looking forward to your fast
respond.


mam nadzieje ze to cos pomoze:-)
dodałabym jeszcze tylko, że list wg mnie powinien być "more polite" jak to w kółko powtarza nasza prowadząca kurs; nie powinnaś przepraszać za ton w jakim piszesz, jak uważasz, że należy za niego przeprosić, to lepiej nie pisz takim tonem; mówiono mi, żeby nie podawać dokładnych kwot, jakie stracimy w związku z niedotrzymaniem umowy przez inną firmę, żeby wyrażać maksymalne niezadowolenie, ale nie mówić co nas spotka złego w związku z tą sytuacją, tylko co złego spotka tę niekompetentną firmę (strata zaufania klientów, zwrócimy się do mediów itd itp)
pozdrawiam
M.
Jesli moge cos zaproponowac:

"in which you assured that there would be no delay in delivery"
"WHILE the deadline was.."
"We are MUCH/GREATLY/REALLY disappointed {comma}"
"Owing to the delay it is very likely that some of our customers may cancel their orders. We can hardly accept such prospect."

"We would appreciate if you looked into this matter. We are also expecting that all ordered cars arrive to us without further delay"
bardzo mi się podobają twoje propozycje, chętnie wzięłabym Cię do kieszeni na egzam w styczniu ;)
Dzięki za wszystkie uwagi. Dokonałam pare poprawek. Magma mam nadzieje że nie będziesz miała nic przeciwko jesli wykorzystam Twój początek, bo jakoś miałam problemy z zaczęciem tego listu. Prosze rzuccie okiem jeszcze raz czy teraz jest wszystko ok???


Dear Mr Goodrich

The order No KXT4592. Three Turbo Tourers HK SL4

I am writing with reference to the order no KXT 4592 from 3.April. It was sent by telex on the with reference number 5466 3.04. The same day we received an acknowledgement (ref. no 7856 3.04 14.46) in which you assured that there would be no delay in supply.

Despite your assurance three TURBO TOURERS HK SL4 have not been delivered, while the deadline was 25 April.
We are now left in position where our three costumers are annoyed. This, as I am sure you understand, is not only disappointing to me, but also could mean that my customers will cancel their order, which is worth 130,585 pounds. Our company cannot afford to lose such valuable and exceptional business.

I have to say that we need the cars immediately and if you cannot promise this we shall have to consider approaching a different car manufacturer. I expect a full explanation of this unpleasant problem and also demand compensation and an apology for causing such a considerable delay.

I am sorry to have to write you in such a tone. This situation cannot be allowed to happen again. I do hope you will give this matter your prompt attention and I am looking forward to your fast respond.
Musze sie b. streszczac:

"It was sent by telex bearing reference number []" [wyrzucone jakies smieci "on the", "bearing": zeby nie 2x fraza "with reference"]

"*On* the same day []"

"[] {przecinek} in which you assured that there would be no delay in *delivery*."

"Despite that assurance, the three ordered TURBO TOURERS HK SL4 have not arrived before the deadline that was 25. April."

"in *a* position"

Jesli to juz musi tak byc, wolalbym np.: "We are now in a position where we have to face three annoyed customers." [cala ta formula zalatuje zbytnim "informalem"]

"you *will* understand"

"disappointing to *us*" [chyba chodzi o firme?]

"could also" [odwrotny szyk]

"*our* customers" [na poczatku pisma jest wszak "we received"?]

"[] customers *may very likely* cancel []" - nie wiesz przeciez tego na 100%

Jesli dobrze rozumien intencje, to:

"[] exceptional deal."

"{] cannot promise their coming at the shortest time possible, we shall consider []" - bez "have to", bo rozmywasz ultimatum

Wodolejstwo -- moze wystarczy: "We expect a full explanation of this unpleasant situation, together with an apology and a suitable compensation."

"fast response"

Chyba bedzie dobrze :)
Strasznie dziekuję za pomoc!!! :)
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