HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME:

Caress, praise, pamper, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, purr, hug, phone, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, implore, grovel, coax, clothe, brag about, spoil, embrace, accept, understand, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, resuscitate, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, tease, flirt, commit, cajole, murmur, snuggle, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, fly, don't care if I die, keep on rockin' in the free world, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize, worship….
and then go back, Jack, and do it again.


HOW TO SATISFY A MAN EVERY TIME:

Show up naked.

How to satisfy a woman: Give your your credit card and tell her there's no limit.
How to satisfy a man: Get dressed in what he has paid for and make him wait.

For women only. If a man reads this, it could cause an erectile dysfunction.

How to fake an orgasm - the animated guide

1. Arch your back at a 45-degree angle and pant like a dog.
2. Recite a couple of bad lines from a B-rated blue movie. Example: Tell Big Poppa he does it for you like no one else can.
3. And the basics: Yes, yes, yes...harder, harder....don't stop! Then you'll want to immediately slap the nearest pillow.
4. Mix it up. This means sometimes you'll want to slap the pillow then scream, other times you want to scream first, then slap the pillow. Men love variety.
5. Don't forget to suck your finger.
6. Now for show and tell: Ask him whose "it" is, an tell him that it's his!
7. If he switches positions, stops for a rest, or reaches for a drink of water, pay no attention and keep screaming anyway.
8. Now for the alleged orgasm: Scream like a banshee, and begin those Kegel exercises. Squeeze....release...squeeze...release.
9. And after sex, don't forget pillow talk. You've had two men before him. (Okay, three, tops. But that's your final offer.)