(nie za dobry start, tutsj brakuje przedimka) Terrible story
But no one suspected what might happen that night, no one let alone fifteen (tu cos brakuje) Alex. Scarcely had his parents disappeared around the corner, (ale KTO? CO?) grabbed the telephone number of the girls and 'twisted' (ale CO?) . (KTO? CO?) 'Arrange' (zly czas) 'is' (niepotr) that Lili, his girlfriend 'comes' (zly czas) around (tu brakuje cos) 23.30. Midnight, half past 'first' (nie, tutaj masz zle, to bylo half past ONE), 'first' (zle slowo) ... In the end (przedimek) bell rang. Alex opened(przedimek) (ale CO? ksiazke?).
Her face was obscured (tu brakuje 2 wyrazy) black hair. The boy 'pushed' (zle slowo) them caressing (brakuje slowo) movement ... his eyes appeared frightening (tu brakuje slow) view. Out of the mouth (tu brakuje slow) 'girls' (zle wczesniej byla mowa o jednej nie wiecej - popraw) began to pour plenty of blood, her eyes turned white and showed all the veins.
The boy grabbed a bottle and smashed it on the head (tu brakuje 2 slowa) zombie. 'It's' (ale co? nie wiem do czego to 'it' sie odnosi) possible. He ran to his room and from there took a 'stick to basketball' (nie, na to mowimy basketball BAT).
'Excuse me Lili' (czy to ma sie laczyc z dalszym zdaniem?) . he shouted, and began to 'belabor' (bardzo dziwne slowo) the form of a stick. (a gdzie przedimek?) zombie grabbed him by the neck and began to choke(ale KTO? czy jego czy sama siebie?) .
He gathered the remnants of the forces 'and Lili struck again' nie, tutaj masz na mysli, ze ON ja udezyl, ale zdanie pisze cos innego) . (przedimek) figure 'fallen' (zly czas) to the ground. Slowly began to change (ALE CO?) . She looked simply (tu cos brakuje) , just the blood flowing from 'a' THE wound 'given a bottle' (to znaczy calkowicie cos innego, pomysl co chcesz powiedziec) .
(przedimek) blood no longer 'exude' (zle slowo) the blue carpet.
Alez what have you done? 'screaming' (zle slowo) (przedimek) parents.
...Next the partition as if it were simply murdered....(tego zdanie to calkowicie nie rozumiem) Perhaps the parents of the girl secretly gave 'them' (tutaj sie gubisz, o co chodzi z tym 'them') to the cremation, but perhaps Lili decided to take revenge.
(KTO? CO?) could soon knock(tu brakuje slowa) the door of your ...
Co z tymi przedimkami sie dzieje? Dlaczego ich nie uzywasz?