Proszę o sprawdzenie ,rozprawka maturalna

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
Temat brzmi " Internet dobrym sposobem na zawieranie nowych znajomości , argumenty za i przeciw" praca ma mieć jak to na maturze 2[tel]słów

Zależy mi na poprawności językowej , gdyż do matury podchodzę drugi raz ,a w tym roku chciałbym osiągnąć bardzo wysoki wynik , w okolicach 100%. Będę wdzięczny za wszelkie wskazówki czy uwagi. Poniżej tekst


It is believed that the internet has greater and greater impact on our lives , It delivers us infinite opportunities of meeting new people from any place across the globe.
To begin with , there are countless social websites , one that is known the most is certainly the facebook. Anyone can create his own profile on the facebook , therefore it is a great place to meet new people. While looking on a someone’s profile , you can tell much about a such person. For instance you can learn about his music and movie taste. You would rather talk to someone , whose interests are similar to yours , would not you ?
On the other hand , it is impossible for us to get any insight into the person on the other side. Someone may not be person , who he is telling he is. For instance photos uploaded by someone may be fake or retouched. They may present any other person , which could lead us to misjudge.
I could not forget to mention ease that comes along with internet social portals. You basically can talk to anyone whenever you want. Velocity of transferring messages is instant! Thus far I have not waited longer than few seconds for my message to be sent to the other person , which is brilliant!
To sum up , the Internet is surely a good place to meet new people . I believe it is the easiest and the safest way to meet new people. However ,it should be done with consideration.
edytowany przez elefantus: 27 lut 2012
To begin with , there are countless social websites , one that is (ja dalabym tutaj to 'certainly')known the most is certainly 'the' (wg mnie bez) Facebook.(duza litera, to nazwa wlasna) Anyone can create his own profile on 'the'(niepotr) Facebook , therefore it is a great place to meet new people. While looking on 'a' (niepotr) someone’s profile , you can tell 'much' A LOT about 'a' (niepotr) such A person. For instance you can learn about his music and movie tasteS. You would rather talk to someone , whose interests are similar to yours , would 'not you' YOU NOT ?
Someone may not be THE person , who he is telling US THAT he is.
They may present 'any other person' (lepiej 'someone else') , which could lead us to misjudge.
I 'could' (zle slowo, tutaj SHOULD) not forget to mention THE ease that comes along with internet social portals. You CAN basically 'can' (niepotr) talk to anyone whenever you want. THE velocity of transferring messages is instant! Thus far I have not waited longer than (brak przedimka) few seconds for my message to be sent to the other person , which is brilliant!

Cos za malo widze tych argumentow 'przeciw'.
forma maturalna jest upośledzona i ciężko podać więcej argumentów moim zdaniem , dzięki za wskazówki ;)