Proszę o pomoc - opis osoby

Witajcie :)
Jestem straszna noga z Angielskiego, a ocena za wypracowanie może mi nieco polepszyć wyniki. Napisałam opis osoby, niestety bardzo krótki i jak siebie znam to z błędami.
Bardzo, bardzo prosze was o pomoc! Będe dozgonnie wdzięczna, naprawdę! Chodzi o to, żeby to dziadostwo napisane przeze mnie sprawdzić.
PS. temat tego wypracowania miał być ; "Opisz znaną ci osobę, która ma taki typ osobowości, że ghdyby było więcej takich jak ona świat byłby lepszy". Wiem że to nie brzmi po polsku, ale pamiętam tylko ogólny "sens" tematu a nie konkretną treść :)

I met her seven years ago. I was in primary school then, and she was older than me.
That was rainy day when i was waiting for a bus, she came up to me and she offered me her umbrella.
We have been together since then. She's my best friend.
Her name is Emilia.
She's short and a little obese. She want to lose weight, but she loves candys. I can't say she's pretty - she alweys look tired and she have acne on her square, pale face with snub-nose. Her hair is brown, straight and thin, usually tied in a ponytail. But her eyes! She have a really beautifull eyes! Blue, bright eyes. The other day she had glasses, but now she wear contact lensens. She likes to dress in black; she often wears black sneakers and a leather jacket.
Generally, she looks very gloomy.
But we can't judge her by appearances.
She is not only friendly but also cheerful, warm-hearted and helpful. She's working in hospital like a volunteer, i can alweys count on she. When i was very ill she spent so many time with me, even though she had have to learn. She's also very hardworking - she's studing, working and she still have a time for her familly and for develop a hobbys. However, she have some flaws too. For example she's very messy - her room looks like dump. She is shy, therefore she haven't so many friends. Sometimes she's a little boring, cause she's too reserved and cowardly. She isn't the perfect comrade for party.
Now she's working like a secretary, but she's also studing a law. In the future she wanna be a lawyer. She spending so many time in library, but every friday we'are going together to the park. She often brings something to eat, because she loves to cook; especially cakes.
It seems to me that our friendship will never end. She’s really a good person and i think the world will be better place if will be more people like Emilia.

Ewentualnie jeśli mogłabym prosić jeszcze o jakąś podpowiedź jak rozwinąć temat, bo jakieś krótkawe to wygląda.
Dziękuję z góry!!
Karolina

po pierwsze, popraw to 'I'- ktore jest napisane mala litera, i popraw czasowniki odnoszace sie do 3os.l.poj.
A juz i przedimkach to nawet nie wiem co mam napisac.
Sprawdze, jak bedzie chociaz troche poprawione.

I met her seven years ago. I was in primary school then, and she was older than me.
That was rainy day when I was waiting for a bus, she came up to me and she offered me her umbrella.
We have been together since then. She's my best friend.
Her name's Emilia.
She's short and a little obese. She wants to lose weight, but she loves candys. I can't say she's pretty - she alweys look tired and she has acne on her square, pale face with snub-nose. Her hair is brown, straight and thin, usually tied in a ponytail. But her eyes! She has a really beautifull eyes! Blue, bright eyes. The other day she had glasses, but now she wears contact lensens. She likes to dress in black; she often wears black sneakers and a leather jacket.
Generally, she looks very gloomy.
But we can't judge her by appearances.
She's not only friendly but also cheerful, warm-hearted and helpful. She's working in hospital like a volunteer, I can alweys count on she. When I was very ill she spent so many time with me, even though she had has to learn. She's also very hardworking - she's studing, working and she still has a time for her familly and for develop a hobbys. However, she has some flaws too. For example she's very messy - her room looks like dump. She's shy, therefore she haven't so many friends. Sometimes she's a little boring, cause she's too reserved and cowardly. She isn't the perfect comrade for party.
Now she's working like a secretary, but she's also studing a law. In the future she wanna be a lawyer. She spending so many time in library, but every friday we'are going together to the park. She often brings something to eat, because she loves to cook; especially cakes.
It seems to me that our friendship will never end. She’s really a good person and I think the world will be better place if will be more people like Emilia.

'That' IT was (przedimek) rainy day when I was waiting for a bus, she came up to me and she offered me her umbrella.
She wants to lose weight, but she loves 'candys' (napisz l. mnoga poprawnie). I can't say she's pretty - she 'alweys' (blad ortog - nie rob takich) 'look' (she - to jest 3 os.l.poj - popraw) tired and she has acne on her square, pale face with (przedimek i troche zmien to zdanie) snub-nose.
The other day she had glasses, but now she wears contact 'lensens' (ortog).
She's working in (przedimek) hospital 'like' (dlaczego uzywasz to 'like' tutaj tak, dla mnie to wyglada, ze ona 'niby' pracuje jako 'niby 'volunteer' - zmien) a volunteer, I can 'alweys' (2 raz zle napisane) count on 'she' (to jest zle, 'she' to ona' a tutaj potrzebujesz 'niej'). When I was very ill she spent so 'many' (MUCH time with me, even though she 'had has to learn' (tego nie rozumiem). She's also very hardworking - she's 'studing' (ortog), working and she still has 'a' (niepotr) time for her 'familly' (ortog) and for developING 'a' (niepotr przed l. mn) 'hobbys' (blad ortog).
For example she's very messy - her room looks like (przedimek) dump. She's shy, therefore she 'haven't' (zly czas) so many friends. Sometimes she's a little boring, 'cause' (to nie jest wlasciwe slowo, napisz to co ma tutaj byc) she's too reserved and cowardly. She isn't the perfect comrade for (przedimek) party.
Now she's working 'like' (znowu to 'like' albo ona jest sekretarka, albbo nie, nie moze byc 'like' znaczyloby 'niby' ) a secretary, but she's also 'studing' (ortog) 'a' (niepotr) law. In the future she 'wanna' CO? co to do chol. jasnej jest - napisz to slowo poprawnie w jez. ang -a nie w ten sposob ktorym gdzies tam sms'ujesz) be a lawyer. She 'spending' (zly czas) so 'many' (2gi raz to jest zle, przypomnij sobie roznice pomiedzy 'much' a many) time in (przedimek) library, but every 'friday' (duza litera, to juz powinnas wiedziec|) 'we'are' (popraw to ) 'going' (zle slowo) together to the park.
She’s really a good person and I think the world 'will' WOULD be (przedimek) better place if THERE 'will' WOULD be more people like Emilia.

A przedimki (a, an, the) to dla Ciebie dalej jakas czarna magia - naucz sie ich i uzywaj poprawnie.

DZIĘKUJĘ CI BARDZO!

Musze się przyznać, że faktycznie olewam nieco Angielski mimo że wiem, jak wazny jest w dzisiejszych czasach, ale wynika to z tego że moja szkoła skupia się na francuskim, a ja nie jestem w językach dobra i dostatecznie dużo czasu zajmuje mi ogarnięcie jednego języka. Po Angielsku zrozumieć zrozumiem, ale z pisaniem mi idzie słabiuśko.
"Always" wynika z tego, że pisałam to "od ręki" i przez to niektórych słów nie sprawdzałam.
Przez "she had has to learn" chciałam napisać że została wtedy, mimo że musiała się uczyć.

Przepraszam za te rażące błędy, naprawdę jest mi wstyd :(
Dziękuję raz jeszcze!

Oddaję "na pokaz" to co poprawiłam. W ogóle masz dość skuteczną metodę sprawdzania, bo nie podajesz gotowych rozwiazań i trzeba też się ruszyć do pracy ;) Oczywiście mam kilka wątpliwości, ale myślę że teraz przynajmniej nie ma tragedii i czwórkę jakowąś dostanę. Albo trójkę chociaż. Albo przynamniej zaliczą mi zadanie ...
Dziękuję po raz setny!

I met her seven years ago. I was in primary school then, and she was older than me.
It was rainy day when I was waiting for a bus, she came up to me and she offered me her umbrella.
We have been together since then. She's my best friend.
Her name's Emilia.
She's short and a little obese. She wants to lose weight, but she loves candy. I can't say she's pretty - she always looks tired, she has acne and square, pale face with a snub-nose. Her hair is brown, straight and thin, usually tied in a ponytail. But her eyes! She has a really beautifull eyes! Blue, bright eyes. The other day she had glasses, but now she wears contact lenses. She likes to dress in black; she often wears black sneakers and a leather jacket.
Generally, she looks very gloomy.
But we can't judge her by appearances.
She's not only friendly but also cheerful, warm-hearted and helpful. She's working in a hospital as a volunteer, I can always count on her. When I was very ill she spent so much time with me, even though she didn't have time because she had to learn on an important exam. She's also very hardworking - she's studying, working and she still has time for her family and for developing hobbies. However, she has some flaws too. For example she's very messy - her room looks like a dump. She's shy, therefore she doesn't have so many friends. Sometimes she's a little boring, because she's too reserved and cowardly. She isn't the perfect comrade for a party.
Now she's working as a secretary, but she's also studying law. In the future she want to be a lawyer. She spends so much time in the library, but every Friday we are walk together to the park. She often brings something to eat, because she loves to cook; especially cakes.
It seems to me that our friendship will never end. She’s really a good person and I think the world would be a better place if there would be more people like Emilia.

patrz na wskazówki powyżej...

I met her seven years ago. I was in primary school then, and she was older than me.
It was a rainy day when I was waiting for a bus, she came up to me and she offered me her umbrella.
We have been together since then. She's my best friend.
Her name's Emilia.
She's short and a little obese. She wants to lose weight, but she loves candy. I can't say she's pretty - she always looks tired, she has acne and square, pale face with a snub-nose. Her hair is brown, straight and thin, usually tied in a ponytail. But her eyes! She has a really beautifull eyes! They're blue and bright. The other day she had glasses, but now she wears contact lenses. She likes to dress in black; she often wears black sneakers and a leather jacket.
Generally, she looks very gloomy.
But we can't judge her by appearances.
She's not only friendly but she's also cheerful, warm-hearted and helpful. She's working in the hospital as a volunteer, I can always count on her. When I was very ill she spent so much time with me, even though she didn't have time because she had to learn on an important exam. She's also very hardworking - she's studying, working and she still has time for her family and for developing hobbies. However, she has some flaws too. For example she's very messy - her room looks like a dump. She's shy, therefore she hasn't so many friends. Sometimes she's a little boring, because she's too reserved and cowardly. She isn't the perfect comrade for a party.
Now she's working as a secretary, but she's also studying law. In the future she wants to be a lawyer. She spends so much time in the library, but every Friday we are go together to the park. She often brings something to eat, because she loves to cook; especially cakes.
It seems to me that our friendship will never end. She’s really a good person and I think the world would be a better place if there would be more people like Emilia.

Kolejna próba ...? ^^

Uwazam ze "obese" to raczej medical term i moze niezbyt trafne okreslenie cechy swojej przyjaciolki. Moze w zamian np: a little on the heavy side.

prawda z tym 'obese' - - to tak, jak po polsku 'przy kosci' - ale na przyjaciolke to mozna powiedziec,
a little overweight
a little on the heavy side, zeby po prostu ja nie obrazic.

She's short and a little 'obese' (moze ...on the heavy side) .
Her hair is 'brown, straight and thin' (cos tu nie tak, kolejnosc jest zla, she has ...very thin, straight brown hair) , usually tied in a ponytail.
She has 'a' (hello - tutaj przedimek 'a' jest niepotr-bo masz l. mnoga 'eyes') really beautifull eyes!
'The other day' (napisz PREVIOUSLY) she 'had' WORE glasses, but now she wears contact lenses. ...
spent so much time with me, even though she didn't have time because she had to 'learn' STUDY 'on' FOR (tu robisz kalke z polskiego) an important exam.
She’s 'really a' (ja to wole ...A REALLY good person) good person and I think the world would be a better place if there 'would be' (wiem, moja pomylka, ale WERE tutaj lepiej pasuje) more people like Emilia.

Teraz lepiej.