Rozprawka - proszę o sprawdzenie.

Temat: Internet - błogosławieństwo czy przekleństwo dla nastolatków? Napisz rozprawkę, w której przedstawisz argumenty przemawiające za kozrystaniem z Internetu przez młodych ludzi oraz przeciw temu.

The twenty-first century is a continuation of ongoing globalization process. The Internet is actually the most interactive mass medium. Is it a blessing or a curse for teenagers?
Firstly, teenagers can learn many languages easier. Moreover, it gives them an opportunity to meet new friends from almost all countries around the world. Secondly, the Internet is the biggest source of knowledge and entertainment. Furthermore, youths can be the creators of Internet content and become famous worldwide. It is a great chance for them to earn some money. Finally, teenagers are able to find more interesting facts about their hobbies and passions. Nothing limits them in realising their unusual dreams. Other mass media do not show many various ways of spending free time, while the Internet community is inspiring teenagers.
On the other hand, the Internet can demoralize teenagers. They can create alter-egos to feel more social. These characters are often very different in comparison to the real behavior and style of these people. Furthermore, they can become shy and uptight, because they lose their social skills. That situation might induce depression and frustration, released by insulting other teenagers. What is more, they do sports less often. This behavior affects teenagers weak health and posture.
In conclusion, the Internet is a useful tool for youths, but it can not be treaten as a replacement of the outside world. It should be used moderately.

Zgodnie z formatem, jest między 200 a 250 słowami. Z tematu wnioskuję, że nikt nie prosi o moją opinię, stąd nigdzie jej nie wyrażam (albo nie staram się jej wyrażać).

The 'twenty-first' (21st) century is a continuation of (brak przedimka) ongoing globalization process.
Firstly, teenagers can learn many languages easier (nie widze, co to ma do rzeczy). Moreover, 'it' (do czego to 'it' się odnosi...bardzo daleko jest do słowa 'internet' w poprzednich zdaniach) gives them an opportunity to meet new friends from almost all countries around the world.
They can create alter-egos to feel more 'social' (cos tu nie tak - chyba 'socially aceptable').
That situation might induce depression and frustration, (which is) released by insulting other teenagers.
This behavior affects teenagers (cos tu nie tak, jak chcesz powiedzieć 'ich' to musi być apostrof) weak health and posture.

Heh, serdecznie dziękuję. Apostrofu nie wstawiłem choć na kartce, z której przepisywałem, miałem apostrof wstawiony.
The twenty-first century is a continuation of THE ongoing globalization process (mówię o konkretnym procesie globalizacji, stąd sądze, że należy wstawić "the")
Pierwszy argument zacząłem od nie tej strony. Może to brzmi sensowniej?
Firstly, the Internet offers teenagers much easier communication between each others, especially for shy people. They can use instant messaging clients and social networks to meet new friends (dalej to samo co w pierwotnej wersji)....
Pozostałe poprawione:
They can create alter-egos to feel more socially acceptable.
That situation might induce depression and frustration, which is released by...
This behavior affects teenagers' weak health and posture.
Chyba zmieściłbym się jeszcze w limicie 250 słów.