Esej - sprawdzenie

Bardzo proszę o sprawdzenie, z góry dziękuję za pomoc :)

In the argument above, the survey point out that employees want to participate in corporate engineering. They wish to be a part of management and know everything about restructuration in their company. This conclusion is based on opinion of 79% of workers.

First, it is obvious that employees want to have an influence on company issues. Nowadays people are replaced by machines. Workers may be afraid of losing their job when the company is restructuring. The management could buy a new machines thus they no longer need to hire so many people so employees need to know about decisions which are made in the firm.

Moreover, workers want to be involved in managing benefits programs. They can negotiate higher salary, like employees in H&M company few years ago. Workers may get also better work condition thus their motivation will grow and they will work more efficient.

Finally, most of people need to be a part of community. They want to feel important and necessary. When workers can decide in an influential matters of company, they start to feel like someone very important and irreplaceable. They develop a feeling of affiliation.

In conlusion, the argument in editorial section of corporate newsletter is highly true because it assumes that employees have a desire to know everything about restructuration in company. Furthermore, nearly 79% of workers said that they are interested in management decisions. It is important to remember that times has changed and people are different. They are curious about their workplace and decision which are made in the company.

aniu -
Co ty robisz z tymi przedimkami (a, an, the). Prosze ich uzywac, bez tego zdania nie sa gramatyczne. Staraj sie tez, uzywac slow na wyzszym szczeblu, wiecej 'academickich'.

In the argument above, the survey 'point' (survey -it-3os.l.poj) out that employees want to participate in corporate engineering. They wish to be a part of (przedimek) management (ja dodalabym tutaj 'structure') and TO know everything about (przedimek) restructuration in their company. This conclusion is based on (brak przedimka) opinion of 79% of (brak przedimka) workers.

Nowadays people are (ja dalabym tutaj slowo 'being'- bo to daje znac, ze jestesmy w trakcie tego, a nie ze juz wszyscy sa) replaced by machines. Workers may be afraid of losing their 'job' (jak 'workers' to l. mn, tu tez musi byc l. mn) when the company is (ja dodalabym tutaj troche...going through the process of) restructuring. The management could buy a new 'machines' (jak dajesz przedimek 'a', to znaczy, ze bedzie l. poj, zastanow sie czy masz na mysli jedna czy wiecej maszyn) 'thus' (jest takie slowo ' consequently' sprawdz w slowniku i jak pasuje to zmien) they no longer need to hire so many people (tutaj ja bym zmienila szyk tego, tutaj jjakby cos brakuje) so employees need to know about (dalabym przedimek) decisions which are made in the firm.

Moreover, workers want to be involved in managing (przedimek) benefits 'programs' (programmes). They can negotiate (brak przedimka) higher salary, 'like' (nie, to slowo jest naduzywane w bardzo dziki sposob, mysle, ze to jest wplyw Australijskich tele-nowelli, ale tutaj napisz 'just as the') employees in H&M company (brak przedimka) few years ago. Workers may 'get also' (zla kolejnosc slow) better work condition (ale w jaki sposob? musisz napisac) thus their motivation will 'grow' (lepiej daj slowo 'increase') and they will work more 'efficient' (zla czesc mowy, tutaj pytanie jak? more efficiently).

Finally, most of people need to be a part of (przedimek) community.
When workers can decide in 'an' (niepotr) influential matters of (przedimek) company, they start to feel like someone very important and irreplaceable.

In conlusion, the argument in editorial section of (przedimek) corporate newsletter is 'highly ' (nie za bardzo trafne slowo) true because it assumes that (przedimek) employees have a desire to know everything about (przedimek) restructuration in (przedimek) company. Furthermore, nearly 79% of workers said that they are interested in (tutaj jest ciekawie, jak masz na mysli ich wspoldzial, to musisz to napisac, narazie dla mnie to wyglada, ze workers nie chca miec wspoldzialu w decyzjach, a to chyba tak nie jest) management decisions. It is important to remember that times 'has' (ale 'times' to jest l. mnoga - moze pamietasz pieosenke Bob Dylan) changed and people are different.