Prosiabym o sprawdzenie wypracowania ;)

Domyślam się że mam w nim wiele błędów, nigdy nie byłam dobra z pisania wypracowań/esejów, wiec czy mógłby mi ktoś to sprawdzić? Z góry dziękuję :)



Walking in the park is a good exercise.

People ,nowadays, more often, willingly spend time on the fresh air. The first and foremost , for us was watching television, or making money. But, recently, that is changing. In our free time we are more guaily going to the places like park. Why? I think, because we want to live healthier,don't we? The great,simply activity, which I can offer all of the people is walking in the park. The most important advantages is free membership, but also spending time on the fresh air, and with the nature. The most surprising is that the people can meet each other, or meet new people there. What about, I think, they had forgotten ,due to the voids in these areas .

The money are very important in ours life, but not everyone can have it. To make your life more wholesome, you don't have to spend a lot of it. As I said, walking in the park is free for everyone.You can go there, at any time you want.

Also, I can say that ,we are a generation of a big companies, new inventions, great explorers, or new technologies and equipment. In that case, we give out our time in the hand of televisions, laptops, or smartphones. Currently, a lot of us, had forgotten about where we come from. How important is and was the nature, for us. We had forgotten to listening an alive birds singing between the trees, to watching a squirrel jumping behind them, or how brisk could be the air.

Because of that, also, people don't have time ,and energy to meet people. We ,just ,want to lock in home after the whole working day. We are slowly isolating from each other, like an animals, we just hunting, eating and sleeping. It's not good for out generation ,and ,maybe, it's time to change it. Go to the park and watch how beautiful world could be, take friends with you, and drew pleasure with it.

Walking in the park can prove to be good exercise. It could teach us a sense of respect to the nature. Could be, also, time and money-saving activity, could be beneficial for your health. This effort can be make to reduce your stress level, or poor physical condition. And ,if you don't give up and do this more often, you will feel the sweet smell of success to live in a more appropriate manner.

Niektóre błędy;)
spend time on the fresh air... powtarzasz ten sam błąd w dalszych zdaniach
The great,simply activity, which I can offer użyj inne słowo, wciąż inny błąd;)
advantages is
The money are
in ours life
a big companies
We had forgotten to listening an alive birds + reszta tego zdania;)
like an animals
can be make

Walking in the park is 'a' (po co to 'a' tutaj jest?) good exercise.
People ,nowadays, more often, (nie lubie tak duzo przecinkow w zdaniu, po kazdym slowie) willingly spend time 'on' (kalka z polskiego 'na' - ale w ang. jest inaczej) the fresh air. 'The' b(niepotr) first and foremost , for 'us' (prosze mnie nie laczyc do twoich zdan ' we' znaczy ty i ja - ale to jest nieprawda, bo ja nie mam TV) was watching television, or making money. But, recently, 'that' (to znaczy co? people just nie sa zaangazowani w 'making money'?) is changing. In 'our' (prosze nie uzywac slow ktore tu nie pasuja) free time 'we' are more 'guaily' (ortog) going to 'the' (niepotr) places like 'park' (tutaj musi byc l. mnoga).
I think, because we want to live healthier,'don't we' (no, I do not, I want to drink myslef silly every night, and please do not tell me what I should or shouldn'e do)? The great,'simply' (zla czesc mowy) activity, which I can offer all of the people is walking in the park. The most important advantages 'is' (jak masz 'advantages' - l. mnoga, to dlaczego dajesz czasownik l. poj?) free membership, but also spending time 'on' (zle) the fresh air( po co tu jest przecinek?) , and with 'the' (niepotr) nature. The most surprising (ale co? musisz napisac) is that 'the' (niepotr) people can meet each other( chyba zakochales siw w przecinkach, nie slawiaj ich tak czesto), or meet new people there. 'What about' (tego nie rozumiem. Czy to ma byc pytanie?), I think, they had forgotten' ,due to the voids in these areas' (calkowicie nie rozumiem) .

The money 'are' (zle slowo) very important in 'ours' (calkowicie zle slowo) life, but not everyone can have it. To make your life more wholesome, you don't have to spend a lot of 'it' (czy to 'it' odnosi sie do 'life' - cos tu nie tak) . As I 'said' (nie, bo tutaj pidszesz to, a nie mowisz tego - prosze rozroznic te 2 czyny) , walking in the park is free for everyone.

Also, I can say that ,'we' (popraw to) are a generation of a big companies (to nie jest prawda - w Afryce niema 'big companies'), new inventions, great explorers, or new technologies and equipment. In 'that' (zle slowo) case, 'we' (zmien) give out 'our' (zmien) time 'in the hand of ' (tego nie rozumiem) televisions, laptops, or smartphones (ja niemam czegos takiego i nigdy nie bede miala, tak, ze prosze nie generalizowac). Currently, 'a lot of us' (zmien), 'had' (zle slowo) forgotten about 'where we come from' (nie, ja zawsze pamietam!). How important is and was 'the' (niepotr) nature, for us. We had forgotten to 'listening' (zle slowo) 'an' (zle slowo) 'alive' (zle slowo) birds singing between the trees, to watching a squirrel jumping behind them, or how brisk 'could be the air' (zla kolejnosc slow).

'Because' (nie zaczynaj zdan z tym slowem) of that, also, people don't have time (,) (znowu ten przecinek) and energy to meet people. We just want to lock (ale kogo? czego? musisz napisac) in (przedimek) home after 'the' (zle slowo) whole working day. We are slowly isolating (cos brak) from each other, like 'an' (po co tu jest przedimek przed l. mnoga?? Kto tak Cie nauczyl?) animals, we just 'hunting' (zle slowo), 'ating' (zle slowo) and 'sleeping' (zle slowo). It's not good for 'out' (ortog) generation ',and ,maybe, ' (zrob cos z tymi przecinkami - nie umiesz jeszcze ich uzywac w zdaniach) it's time to change it. Go to the park and watch how beautiful (cos brak) world could be, take friends with you, and 'drew' (zle slowo) pleasure 'with' (zle slowo) it.

It could teach us a sense of respect 'to' (zle slowo) the nature. 'Could be, also,' (po pierwsze mniej przecinkow, po drugie daj te slowa w dobrej kolejnosci) time and money-saving activity, could be beneficial for 'your' (a co ty masz sie wtracac do 'mojej' heath? Dlaczego Cie 'moja heath' obchodzi?) health. This effort can be make to reduce your stress level(,) bez przecinka) or poor physical condition. 'And' (nie zaczynaj zdan z 'and') ,if you don't give up and do this more often, you will feel the sweet smell of success to live in a more 'appropriate' (a jaka to jest 'inappropriate manner' - co to jest?) manner.

Prosze nie uzywac tyle przecinkow (,) w zdaniach - niema takiej potrzeby. Drugie - zrob cos z tymi przedimkami (a, an, the) - nie dokladnie wiesz jak je uzywac. Nie wlaczaj akurat mnie do twoich widzimisie dedukcji - prosze pisac bezosobowo, np. a person, one...

Ok dzięki wielki za pomoc ;)

a co do przecinków to się w nich nie zakochałam tylko jest zasada w języku angielskim że przed takimi słowami jak and but for or nor so i yet stawia się przecinek, oraz wtedy kiedy robimy wtrącenia takimi słówkami jak (well, yes, however, recently, in that case, anyway.... itd.) ;)

Jest taka zasada, Elivens, ale nie stawiamy przecinka przed kazdym FANBOYS (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so), tylko przed tymi w zdaniach zlozonych wspolrzednie (independent clauses), np.

I like coffee, but I don't like tea. Zdanie to mozna rozbic na dwa wolnostojace zdania, stad przecinek przed but.

Twoje zdanie: The first and foremost , for us was watching television, or making money.
The first and foremost
us watching television
making money

To nie sa samodzielne zdania wiec nie mozesz tu postawic przecinkow.

Serduszko, napisze to bardzo mile - prosze nie przypominac mnie zadnych zasad wystepujacych w jez. angielskim...:-)