Tekst (angielski rozszerzony)

Proszę o sprawdzenie artykułu. Temat: Właśnie obejrzałem film o zakazie reklam adresowanych do dzieci. Napisz artykuł, w którym zrecenzujesz ten film oraz przedstawisz i uzasadnisz opinie na temat zakazu reklam do dzieci.

Kids under a manipulation!
I have just seen a documental movie, which was about effect adverts on kids' brains. The programme was very curious, so I would like to share with you my observations about ban the adverts for children.
The movie entitled "Innocent Children" has started at 8 p.m. when all kids are in theirs beds, so first of all this programme was for parents.
At the begenning of the movie we could see a short scene in a some shop. Kid, who name was Tom, was praying his mother for a new toy, because he saw in a TV, that the toy has amazing ability. Unfortunetly, his mother had not got money on this purchase, so they had an argument. We could se also other schocking scenes. For instance, in a some family, a father has been saving money for a long time. He wanted to buy the latest wheelchair for his grandmother. As you guessed, father's child had taken the money and bought some thing, which was advertised in a TV.
Of course in a movie were more scenes like these. I think that everyone should see this movie, because we never know, whether our child is manipulated by a TV.
I agree with a director of "Innocent Children" to ban the adverts adressed to young people. Kids are not aware that very often adverts in a TV lie, so children can make a big mess in a family budget.

XYZ

Kids under a manipulation! - NIE PODOBA MI SIE TO SFORMULOWANIE
I have just seen a documental INNE SLOWO movie, BEZ PRZECINKA which was USUN TE DWA SLOWA about PRZEDIMEK effect BRAK SLOWA adverts on kids' brains. The programme was very curious CZYLI?, so I would like to share with you my observations about ban INNA FORMA TEGO SLOWA the USUN PRZECIMEK adverts for children.
The movie TRZY NASTEPNE SLOWA OTOCZ PRZECINKAMI entitled "Innocent Children" has SIMPLE PAST started at 8 p.m. when all kids are in theirs ZLA FORMA SLOWA beds, so first of all this programme was for parents.
At the begenning ORTOGR of the movie we could see a short scene in a some ZA DUZO OKRESLNIKOW shop. Kid, who name = KTO IMIE was Tom, was praying his mother = MODLIŁ SWOJĄ MATKĘ for a new toy, because he saw in a TV W TELEWIZORZE? 'TELEWIZJA' JEST NIEPOLICZALNA I WYMAGA INNEGO PRZYIMKA, that the toy has amazing ability LEPIEJ LICZBA MNOGA. Unfortunetly ORTOGR, his mother had not got DID NOT HAVE THE money on ZLA KONSTRUKCJA, UZYJ BEZOKOLICZNIKA this purchase, so they had an argument. We could ALSO se ORTOGR also other schocking scenes. For instance, in a some ZNOWU family, a father ILU TAM JEST OJCOW? has RACZEJ PAST PERFECT CONT been saving money for a long time. He wanted to buy the latest wheelchair for his grandmother. As you guessed, PRZEDIMEK father's child had taken CZEMU PAST PERFECT? the money and bought some thing, = JAKĄŚ RZECZ I BEZ PRZECINKA which was advertised in a TV. ZNOWU
Of course in a movie = W JAKIMS FILMIE BRAK PODMIOTU were more scenes like these. I think that everyone should see this movie, because we never know, whether our child is manipulated by a TV.ZNOWU
I agree with a director ILU BYLO REZYSEROW W SUMIE? of "Innocent Children" to ban the adverts adressed ORTOGR. to young people. Kids are not aware that very often adverts in a TV lie, so children can make a big mess in a family budget.ILE BUDZETOW MA RODZINA?

za dużo blędów jak na poziom rozszerzony

Dziękuję za sprawdzenie. Mógłbyś rozwinąć kilka kwestii, które poruszyłeś?
- "który miał na imie" czyli powinno być "whose name was?"
- "when all kids are in theirs ZLA FORMA SLOWA beds" Jak to powinienem napisać?
- "For instance, in a some ZNOWU family, a father ILU TAM JEST OJCOW?" Powinienem zastosować przed father "the"?
- "As you guessed, PRZEDIMEK father's child had taken CZEMU PAST PERFECT? the money and bought some thing, = JAKĄŚ RZECZ I BEZ PRZECINKA which was advertised in a TV. " - Użyłem past parfect, bo dzieciak wziął NAJPIERW pieniądze, a potem kupił rzecz. Złe rozumowanie?
- "in a family budget.ILE BUDZETOW MA RODZINA?" - powinno być "the"?

1 ok
2 znasz roznice miedzy your a yours, their a theirs?
3 nie stawia sie przedimkow przed 'some', 'any', bo one juz maja funkcje okreslającą.
the father, no chyba, że jesteś antyheteronormatywistą
4 bardzo złe rozumowanie, past perfect nie stosuje sie w takiej sytuacji
5 zasadniczo tak

4 zle rozumowanie, bo juz wczesniej piszesz, ze ojciec zbieral pieniadze od jakiegos czasu, a tutaj opisujesz wydarzenie okreslajace calą narrację i to wydarzenie nalezy opisac w simple past. Pozniejsze wydarzenia tez w Simple Past, przy czym 'wzial i kupil' to jest cos, co odbylo sie "jednym ciagiem', bo nie mowi sie zazwyczaj 'najpierw wzial, a potem kupil'.