Podanie o przyjęcie na studia.

Dzień dobry, mogę prosić o sprawdzenie mojego listu na uczelnię w celu przyjęcia na studia? (matura rozszerzona)

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to apply for an opportunity to study at your University. I read about your school in a newspaper and after it, I found out more about you from the Internet. I wish to study law and become the most famous judge in the future.

I would like to study at your University, because my sister learns there too. She is your student from two years and I heard a lot of good things about your school from her. More over, at your University work the best teachers from all over the world like Tom Smith or famous scientists, for instance, Kate Jackson.

I can speak and write in English very fluently. I won the Internation English Contest, which was organised in Germany. I got a diploma, which confirms my achievement, consequently I can send it to you if you want.

I took part in numerous contests about knowledge of English culture and most of them I won. As you see I am interested in English. I read a lot of books about your country and I watch all movies, which are created by English directors.

Thank your for considering my application. I look forward to your reply.

Yours faithfully,
XYZ

Bardzo byłbym wdzięczny, gdyby ktoś podsunął mi jakieś "mądrzejsze" zamienniki słów, których ja użyłem.
Dziękuję.

I read about your school in 'a' (tutaj wypadalo byc podac nazwe) newspaper and after 'it' (to jest zle slowo, tutaj 'that'), I found out more about 'you' (nie, bo nie piszesz o osobie tylko o Instytucie) from the Internet. I wish to study law and 'become the most famous judge in the future.' (no chance, to jest takie dziecinne, ze od razu odpycha od czytania dalej)

I would like to study at your University, because my sister 'learns' (nie, na Uni to 'studies') there too. (i ona musi trzymac Ciebie za raczke - napisz to jakos inaczej) She 'is' (zluy czas, tutaj 'has been') your student 'from' (zle slowo, tutaj FOR) two years and I heard 'a lot of' (nie, lepiej 'many') good things about your school from her. Moreover, at your University work the best 'teachers' (ja juz dalabym im tytuly Professors) from all over the world 'like' (nie, to jest zle tutaj 'such as') Tom Smith or famous scientists, for instance, Kate Jackson.

I won the 'Internation' (popraw) English Contest, (ale kiedy? podaj rok) which was organised in Germany. I 'got' (nie, staraj sie nie uzywac tego slowa, jest np. 'achieved', 'obtained') a diploma, which confirms my achievement., 'consequently' (niepotr) I can send it to you if 'you want' (nie piszesz o kolegi, tutaj 'if you need or request it).

I took part in numerous contests 'about' (za niskie slowo, ja bym dala 'testing the') knowledge of English culture and 'most of them' (to znaczy ile, mozesz napisac, and I won 4 out of 5.) I won.
I read a lot of books about your country and I watch all 'movies' (to jest AmE slowo, w BrE mamy 'films'), which are created by English directors.

Thank 'your' (zle slowo, tutaj 'you') for considering my application.
Zawsze new paragraph.....I look forward to your reply.


Dziękuję.[/quote]

Bardzo Ci dziękuję, zwłaszcza za "request" oraz "obtain" :)

Pozdrawiam

Oczekuje wiecej rozprawek jutro - .....

Mam jedno pytanie, czy zamiast "most of them", mógłbym użyć "majority of them"?

nie

np
...and I won most of them/ ....winning most of them.