Sprawdzenie rozprawki "za i przeciw"

Temat jest "Rząd zaproponował wprowadzenie podatku od handlu niezdrową żywnością, aby skłonić ludzi do zdrowszego odżywiania się. Napisz rozprawkę, w której przedstawisz zarówno wady, jak i zalety takiego podatku"

Głównie chodzi mi o sprawdzenie poprawności środków językowych, bogactwa słownictwa i czy wszystko gramatycznie gra (np. nie jestem pewien czy w zdaniu z palaczami powinien być Past Perfect czy Past Simple). Ale każda uwaga będzie na wagę złota! ;)



The newly proposed tax on unhealthy food has caused a massive uproar in our society, especially among the young people. Its purpose is to promote eating healthy. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this idea?

First of all, it is understandable that the government is taking it into consideration as the obesity rate is increasing in our country. This tax could make people think twice about what they are buying and they might opt for healthy food instead, thus leading to a healthier lifestyle. For example, plenty of people tried to give up smoking after the government introduced a special tax on cigarretes. It's also worth noting that healthy food is usually more expensive than so-called "junk food" so if the price was to be equalized by introducing the tax the choice would be between healthy and unhealthy rather than expensive and cheap.

On the other hand, this idea seems very shallow. It is not going to get people to drop their unhealthy eating habits. Instead, it might make unhealthy food more desirable as "the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest". Besides, some people have been eating unhealthy for years and just simply increasing the price will not do much - they need to be educated on the dangers of doing so, they need to start caring about what they put on their plates. The fact that it will kill many small and domestic businesses such as fast food booths is also worth taking into consideration - they will not be able to handle the tax as well as big foreign companies such as McDonald's.

Overall, the proposed tax definietely has its pros but they have their price. If you were to ask me, I think this idea should be dropped. The government should focus on promoting a healthy lifestyle, simply making unhealthy food more expensive is not going to work.

The newly proposed tax on unhealthy food has caused a massive uproar in our society, especially among the BEZ TEGO PRZEDIMKA young people. Its purpose is to promote eating healthy LEPIEJ: HEALTHY EATING. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this idea?

First of all, it is understandable that the government is taking it into consideration as the obesity rate is increasing in our country. This tax could make people think twice about what they are buying and they might opt for healthy food instead, thus leading to a healthier lifestyle. For example, plenty of people tried to give up smoking after the government introduced a special tax on cigarretes. It's MOZNA PISAC 'IT'S', 'WE'RE' W ROZPRAWKACH? also worth noting that healthy food is usually more expensive than so-called "junk food" so if the price was to be equalized RZADKI CZASOWNIK, A POZA TYM NIE PISZ O JEDNEJ CENIE, BO CENY SA ROZNE by introducing the tax PRZECINEK the choice would be between healthy and unhealthy rather than expensive and cheap.

On the other hand, this idea seems very shallow. It is not going to get people to drop their unhealthy eating habits. Instead, it might make unhealthy food more desirable as "the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest". Besides, some people have been eating unhealthy for years and just simply increasing the price will not do much - they need to be educated on the dangers of doing so NIEJASNE, DO CZEGO ODNOSI SIE 'SO' - INCREASING THE PRICES?, they need to start caring about POLONIZM, LEPIEJ 'MIND' what they put on their plates. The fact that it will kill many small and domestic businesses such as fast food booths is also worth taking into consideration - they will not be able to handle the tax as well as big foreign companies such as McDonald's.

Overall, the proposed tax definietely has its pros but they have their price ALBO 'COME AT A PRICE'. If you were to ask me, I think this idea should be dropped. The government should focus on promoting a healthy lifestyle, TU MUSI BYC SPOJNIK ALBO SREDNIK, ALBO NOWE ZDANIE simply making unhealthy food more expensive is not going to work.

ok, na mature wystarczy, takze rozszerzona.

Ok, dzieki wielkie :) Jakby ktoś miał jeszcze jakieś uwagi to chętnie posłucham. I masz racje, nie wolno używać form skróconych w rozprawce, wymknęło mi się raz niestety :D

The newly proposed tax on unhealthy food has caused a massive uproar in our society, especially among the young people.(opcjonalne) Its purpose is to promote eating healthy(odwrotnie). What are the advantages and disadvantages of this idea?

First of all, it is understandable that the government is taking it into consideration as the obesity rate is increasing in our country. This tax could make people think twice about what they are buying (raczej mowisz ogólnie, a nie jako przejsciowy trend, wiec present simple)and they might opt for healthy food instead, thus leading to a healthier lifestyle. For example, plenty of people (mogą spróbować) tried to give up smoking after the government introduced(present simple) a special tax on cigarretes .It's also worth noting that healthy food is usually more expensive than so-called "junk food" so if the price was to be equalized by introducing the tax the choice would be between healthy and unhealthy (food) rather than expensive and (or) cheap.

On the other hand, this idea seems very shallow. It is not going to get people to drop their unhealthy eating habits. Instead, it might make unhealthy food more desirable as "the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest". Besides, some people have been eating unhealthy for years and just simply increasing the price will not do much - they need to be educated on the dangers of doing so, they need to start caring about what they put on their plates. The fact (is) that it will kill many small and domestic businesses such as fast food booths is also worth taking into consideration - (that)they will not be able to handle the tax as well as big foreign companies such as McDonald's.

Overall, the proposed tax definietely has its pros but they have their price. If you were to ask me, I think this idea should be dropped. The government should focus on promoting a healthy lifestyle, simply making unhealthy food more expensive is not going to work.(forma jest poprawna, drugi raz jej uzywasz, going to jest czasami troche bardziej nieformalne, future simple jest formalniejsze)
to wszystko, ogolnie bardzo skladnie, inni uzytkownicy dopowiedza

Ja pamietam jak wieki temu ktos madry powiedzial: ....Zostaw ich, bo i tam sami sie zabija.

taking into consideration - (that)they will not be able to handle the tax as well as big foreign companies such as McDonald's. - zignoruj to "that" nie zauważyelm poczatku
It is not going to get people to drop their unhealthy eating habits- masz zestawienie troche niezbyt formalnych wyrazen "going to", no i get sb to do sth, ogolnie unikaj get w rozprawkach chyba ze w utartych zwrotch

Tobie też dziękuję, właśnie o takie czepialstwo mi chodziło bo zależy mi jak na najwyższym wyniku z rozszerzenia :)