essay

Cześć staram się pisać eseje sam dla siebie. Myślę, że jakąś tam wprawę mam. Czy ktoś rzuciłby okiem i wytknął błędy, dał wskazówki, jak napisać coś bardziej naturalnie. Podczas pisania czegoś bardziej zaawansowanego, mam z tym problem. Wziąłem temat z egzaminu Cambridge, CAE.

Your class has attended a panel discussion on the subject of TV shows that feature members of the public, such as reality TV shows and talent competitions. You have made the notes below.
Aspects of reality and talent TV shows:
■ entertainment for viewers
■ influence on young people
■ effect on participants
Some opinions expressed in the discussion:
‘These programmes are just harmless entertainment and there is nothing wrong with them.’
‘The influence these programmes can have on young people can be very bad indeed.’
‘People who take part in these programmes can be damaged by the experience.’

Write an essay for your tutor discussing two of the aspects in your notes. You should explain which aspect you think is the most important regarding these TV shows and provide reasons to support your opinion.

The discussion centered on a variety of topics related to TV programmes that feature members of the public. They have been a worldwide phenomenon for some time, and people have quite strong feelings about them.

One of the main aspects is that these types of TV programmes provide entertainment for the viewers. During the discussion, it was said that the shows are enjoyable to watch and do not appear to be harmful. People are fond of seeing regular members of the public, given that it allows them to escape from the monotonous routine of daily life by living vicariously through the experiences of the participants. Despite the fact that I don’t find them particularly interesting and entertaining and thus hardly ever watch them I agree that many people do.

However, a more serious issue was taken into account and that is the impact these programmes can have on people, especially, the young ones. This, in my opinion, is the most significant aspect. Adolescence's formative years are crucial in moulding young people's values and habits. Reality programmes frequently present a false perspective of reality, emphasising fame, wealth, and success as readily attained goals. This can lead young viewers to develop unrealistic expectations about their own lives and careers.

In conclusion, reality and talent shows provide viewers with enjoyment, but their impact on young people and participants must be carefully considered. While they might provide a brief respite from reality, their potential influence on sensitive minds is a matter of concern.

jak napisać coś bardziej naturalnie.

To co napisałeś to typowy esej na egzamin pros and cons. Jest w porządku. Te eseje nie są nigdy naturalne, sa sztywne, ponieważ musza odpowiadać pewnym wymogom.
Jeśli chcesz próbować pisać cos bardziej naturalnie to spróbuj creative writing. Np cos takiego:

(Raquel is the name of the car)

I put Raquel in the driveway to protect her in case debris was blown out of that dumpster into the street and onto her. I was outside watching that light show until the rains came, it was Mother Nature flexing her dominant muscles. It was a crazy cacophony inside here as the emergency alert sirens went off simultaneously on my iPhone, iPad, Apple Watch and the TV.
The sky was continuously illuminated with the lengthy lightning flashes reminiscent of an aerial bombardment in times past. The ominous deep roar of the accompanying thunder sparked visions and thoughts of Beelzebub at hand.

Dzięki za odpowiedź, sam wybrałem taki typ zadania, bo być może w przyszłości przyda mi się właśnie pisanie takich esejów. Co do języka, bardziej chodziło mi o to, że znam jakieś słowo, bardziej zaawansowane i nie jestem pewny do końca, czy akurat pasuje w zdaniu, które napisałem.

Pisanie, o którym wspominasz, też warte jest przećwiczenia i wydaje się ciekawe.

brak zdania wstepu. Nie wiadomo o jaką discussion chodzi. Czy sprawozdanie nie powinno mieć tytułu?
jak z limitem słów? Może mozna jeszcze coś dopisać?
Językowo jest dobrze, zwłaszcza wybrane słownictwo spełnia wymagania CAE, a interpunkcja nawet je przekracza, np. takie przecinki wokół 'in my opinion' wewnątrz zdania to już wyższa szkoła jazdy. Nie podoba mi się tylko 'provide viewers with enjoyment' - ledwo 170 trafień w Google to mało.

Podsumowując, pewne uwagi kompozycyjne, praktycznie zero uwag językowych

MG, dziękuję za Twoją opowiedź i uwagi. Jeżeli chodzi o liczbę słów, powinna wynosić ona 220-260.
Wstęp poprawiłbym następująco.
Title: The impact of reality and talent TV shows on viewers
Reality and talent TV shows have become a prominent part of modern entertainment, captivating audiences worldwide. Not only do these shows offer a unique platform for members of the public to showcase their talents, but they also raise concerns about their impact on viewers. Consequently, there is discussion among people on a variety of topics related to TV programmes that feature members of the public.


Poprawiłbym to zdanianie w nastepujący sposób:
In conclusion, reality and talent shows entertain viewers, but their impact on young people and participants must be carefully considered.

po takim akapicie wprowadzającym, nie możesz użyć simple past, bo nagle zamiast o trwajacej dyskusji ogólnej zaczynasz mowic o konkretnej dyskusji, która znowu pojawia sie znikad. Uzyj tam simple present.

druga poprawka ok

Dzięki za odpowiedź. Tak, będzie "it is said" zamiast "it was said."

the discussion centers, ale jednak lepiej is centering

Not only do these shows offer a unique platform for members of the public to showcase their talents, but they also raise concerns about their impact on viewers.


Przeciwstawne, ja bym dala;
These shows offer a unique platform for members of the public to showcase their talents, however, they do raise some concerns about the impact they might leave on the viewers.

reality and talent shows entertain viewers,

are designed to entertain viewers (?), but their impact on young people...

A prywatnie, to uważam, ze reality shows nie powinno być wrzucane do jednego worka z talent shows i gdyby nie limit slow, rozdzieliłabym to w rozprawce.