prośba o sprawdzenie rozprawki

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
jest to temat maturalny: "napisz rozprawkę na temat błędów, których nie popełnisz, jeśli zostaniesz rodzicem"

Oto tekst.

Young people are often criticized but some faults are caused by wrong upbringing. Unfortunately many parents make mistakes in this very important process. I don’t want to be a bad father.
First problem is education. In my opinion many people don’t care about it. They let their sons and daughters to spend a lot of time near the computer or TV. I will make sure that my child don’t have problems at school. My son will be convinced that education is the best chance for prosperity and success in life. Additionally I will try to tell him about the most important things. In school children are attacked with many details and they often don’t remember for example about main historical or geographical facts.
Secondly I wish I’d be able to explain that drinking alcohol or taking drugs is lost time. I can’t stand the sight of young, drunk people. But I don’t want to be strict, so I will let my seventeen years old son drink one bear. That way I will show him that alcohol is for people, but we have to be clever when we use it.
The next problem is free time. I want my child to know that playing sports, reading a book or meeting with friends is better than for example watching stupid films. That way I will take care about his health, knowledge and his sociability.
Generally I will protect my child from my life mistakes. I know what was wrong with me and I don’t want him to duplicate my mistakes.
Young people are often criticized (za co?), but some faults are caused by THE wrong upbringing. Unfortunately, many parents make mistakes in this very
important process.
THE first problem is education. In my opinion many people don't care about
it. They let their sons and daughters 'to' (niepotrz) spend a lot of time 'near' (moze lepiej 'in front of') the computer or TV. I will make sure that my child 'don't' DOESN'T have problems at school.
Secondly I wish THAT I'd be able to explain (komu?) that drinking alcohol or taking drugs is lost time (mozna tez napisac ...for losers)
But I don't want to be strict, so I will let my seventeen 'years' YEAR old
son drink one 'bear' (ortog - BEER (bear to cos innego).
...health, knowledge and his sociability (mozna tez social skills)
Generally I will protect my child 'from my life mistakes' (the mistakes I made in my life) 'as wrong with me' (niepotrz) 'and' (tutaj lepiej AS) I don't want him to duplicate my mistakes.

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