proszę o sprawdzenie wypracowanka

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
“Route to success”

In these days, one of the biggest values for many people is a success. For some it is a well paid job and for other a happy family life. It happens that they want to achieve it by all means. Despite that I have my own definition of success which includes having respectable salary as well as happy wife and children. Similarly to other views, a success is what I want to achieve in my life. I hope that values like hard work, patience and perseverance will help me fulfill my dreams about success.
To start with, my first step in a ladder of success is graduation and obtaining the title “Bachelor of Arts” in English. Contrary to popular beliefs it is inconceivably hard to get this title. Being a student on tertiary school, especially on English philology requires a lot of effort, stamina and agility of mind. Graduating from such a school opens in front of you many doors of possibilities in the job market. A person who knows foreign language like English is needed almost everywhere.
Next, after graduation the most important thing is looking for suitable work, which in my case is becoming shareholder in communication network. It is almost impossible to become someone like that without contacts. In the beginning, I have to start working as a mobile phones seller and work my way up. Though, even than there is no guarantee that I get what I was dreaming about. But someone once said: “there is nothing impossible.”
Finally, time has come for starting own family. New married should have own home, they definitely cannot leave with a parents. This is time when people are starting to take full responsibilities for their actions,both good and wrong. They learn it on their own. In order to make it work and give happiness to their families they should divide work form personal life.
To sum up, a success of a young person depends from many factors. It is certain, that not everyone will achieve own goals. Only the persistent and maybe these who have good fortune will have opportunity to check how it is to drive to the end of route with inscription success. I am almost certain that I will be one of these people.
'In these days' (a dlaczego nie NOWADAYS?), one of the biggest 'values' (to slowo dla mnie tutaj nie pasuje - poszukaj inne) for many people is 'a' (niepotr) success.
For some it is a well paid job and for otherS a happy family life. It
happens that 'they' (ale do kogo to 'they' sie odnosi, do tych pierwszych czy drugich?) want to achieve it by all means. 'Despite that' (ale despite czego? dla mnie to nie jest jasne) I have my own definition of success which includes having A 'respectable' (za ogolne - to znaczy ile?) salary as well as A happy wife and children.(and I take it you still believe in fairy tales?)
'Similarly' (zle slowo-pomysl o czesci zdania) to other views (ale te views to czyje? moje? kolegi?), 'a' (jak napiszesz 'a' to musisz wyszczegolnic co ty nazywasz sukcesem) success is what I want to achieve in my life. I hope that 'values' (nie za bartdzo to slowo pasuje) like hard work, patience and perseverance will help me fulfill my dreams 'about' (nie, pomysl co chcesz powiedziec tutaj) success.
To start with, my first step in 'a' THE ladder of success is graduation and
obtaining the title OF “Bachelor of Arts" in English (language, literature, linguistics? - dopisz). Contrary to popular 'beliefs' BELIEF it is inconceivably hard to get this title. Being a student 'on' (znowu ta kalka z polskiego 'na' - ile razy musze to samo powtarzac, Polski odpowiednik 'na'; nie zawsze tlumaczymy jako 'on' w jez. ang. tutaj akurat jestes studentem AT A) tertiary school, especially on English philology requires 'a lot of' (to jest za niskie - pomysl o czyms na wyzszym stopniu formalnosci np. 'tremendous') effort, stamina and agility of THE mind. Graduating from such a school opens 'in front of' (lepiej TO you many doors of possibilities in the 'job' (poszukaj slowo na wyzszym szczeblu..np employment) market. A person who knows A foreign language 'like' SUCH AS English is needed almost everywhere.
Next, after graduation the most important thing is 'looking' TO LOOK for
suitable work, which in my case is becoming A shareholder in communication network. It is almost impossible to become 'someone like that' (zle pojecie p[omysl o tym i napisz inaczej) without contacts. In the beginning, I have to start working as a mobile 'phones' PHONE seller and work my way up. Though, even in 'than' THAT there is no guarantee that I get what I was dreaming about. But someone once said: “'there is nothing impossible.' (NIESTETY jak juz robisz 'quotes' to prosze to napisac tak jak to bylo powiedziane, to znaczy "NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE')
Finally, time 'has' WOULD come for starting MY own family. NewLY married (ale co? tutaj brakuje COUPLES should have THEIR own home, they definitely cannot 'leave' (tutaj masz calkowicie zle slowo - pomysl i popraw) with 'a' (nie dajemy 'a' przed l. mnoga a 'parentS' to l. mn) parents. This is A time when people 'are starting' SHOULD START to take full responsibilities for their
actions, both good and 'wrong' BAD (the opposite of 'good' jest 'bad', the opposite of 'right' jest 'wrong). They learn TO DO THAT 'it' (niepotr) on their own. In order to make it work and give happiness to their families they should divide work 'form' (mysle, ze tylko liter. inaczej zle slowo) personal life.
To sum up, 'a' THE success of a young person depends 'from' ON many factors. It
is certain, that not everyone will achieve THEIR own goals. Only the persistent and maybe 'these' THOSE who have good fortune will have THE opportunity
to check how it is to drive to the end of THE route with THE inscription success.

ok, ale musisz nad tym jeszcze popracowac.
dziękuję serdecznie pozdrawiam ;)

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