Prośba o sprawdzenie flashback narration

Witam !

Prosil bym o sprawdzenie opowiadania napisanego we flashback narration. Proszę nie komentować tresci, bo jest głupia i pisana lekką ręką, miala być nawet zabawna w pewien sposob, jedynie proszę o skupienie sie na stronie gramatycznej.
No i czy słowka są odpowiednio sophisticated.


I was trying to fall asleep but the sound of the howling wind kept me up. I was all over in shivers. Since that day I can't sleep well every night. It had all happened 7 days before and I knew I never I would forget it, because it was the scariest day of my life.
The morning sun was blazing when i woke up. Next i strolled to the kitchen to have breakfast. Suddenly I heard a doorbell and I rushed to open the doors because I had been expecting a package from the internet. I opened the doors and I saw a monk in a hood. He whispered : "You are the chosen one! You are the ancestor of the Poseidon and you have to go with me!" Suddenly, a big portal opened and I yelled: "I didn't feed my dog!" For my bad luck it was too late. After that I met my alleged ancestor - Poseidon. He told me that only me can rescue the world, because Hades had had opened the connection between the real world and the ancient one. I murmured "Why me? I'm just a common man". And he said: "No! you have a hidden power inside your soul! Just think about it and use it". Unpredictibly, the portal opened once again and I landed in Hades. The wind was howling and suddenly I saw Cerberus - the three-headed hell hound which was a defender of Hades Gates - with mine own eyes. He attacked me and bit me extremely seriously. I hissed: "It's over", but unexpectadly, he stopped stopped and I passed out. When I had come around there was an extremely noisy sound of the growling wind inside my head. I didn't know what all this were about. Since that day I had the same nightmare every night. I tried to forget about it during the next days and I came back to normal life.
Seven days later, one evening I went to my bed and I decided to watch TV. I went to a bed and tried to fall asleep.

I was trying to fall asleep, (przed 'but' potrzebujemy przecinek) but the sound of the howling wind kept me up. I 'was' (zle slowo - 'came' jest lepiej) all over in shivers.
'It' THIS had all happened 7 days 'before' (jak dajesz 'before' to musisz napisac before what? tutaj daj 'previously') and I knew THAT I 'never I' (niepotr) would NEVER forget it, because it was the scariest day of my life.
The morning sun was blazing when 'i' (dlaczego dajesz 'i' mala litera? Co to?) woke up. Next 'i' (popraw) strolled to the kitchen to have breakfast. Suddenly I heard a doorbell and I rushed to open the doors because I had been expecting a package 'from the internet' (to jest nieprawda. packages come from FIRMS which you find on the internet).
You are the ancestor of 'the' (niepotr) Poseidon and you have to 'go' COME with me!" Suddenly, a big portal opened and I yelled: "I 'didn't' HAVEN'T 'feed' FED my dog!"
He told me that only 'me' (zle slowo tutaj 'I') can rescue the world, because Hades had 'had' (niepotr) opened the connection between the real world and the ancient one.
The wind was howling and suddenly (daj tutaj...with MY own eyes) I saw
Cerberus - the three-headed hell hound which was a defender of Hades
Gates - 'with mine own eyes' (niepotr). He attacked me and bit me extremely
'seriously' HARD. I hissed: "It's over", but unexpectadly, he stopped 'stopped' (niepotr) and I passed out.
I didn't know what IT 'all this' (niwpotr) 'were' (tutaj WAS) ALL about. Since that day I HAVE had the same nightmare every night. I tried to forget about it during the next FEW days and I came back to normal life.
I went to 'a' (po co to? niepotr) bed and tried to fall asleep.

Ok, dzięki ;) Z tymi I oraz 2x stopped to literowki i przeoczenia. Dzieki za pomoc, jakoś to zredaguje i bedzie gotowe do oddania ;)

A i jeszcze z tym "He told me that only 'me' (zle slowo tutaj 'I') can rescue the world, because Hades had 'had' (niepotr) opened the connection between the real world and the ancient one. "

Raczej chyba musi być had had, bo po pierwsze to flashback narration a po drugie to on to zrobil wczesniej niż te wydarzenia które już się dzieją w przeszłości. Przynajmniej tak moj wykladowca od writingu tlumaczyl to na podobnym przykladzie, gdzie oddawalem jedno z wypracowan już wczesniej.

A i jeszcze z tym "He told me that only 'me' (zle slowo tutaj 'I') can rescue the world, because Hades had 'had' (niepotr) opened the connection between the real world and the ancient one. "

Raczej chyba musi być had, bo po pierwsze to flashback narration a po drugie to on to zrobil wczesniej niż te wydarzenia które już się dzieją w przeszłości. Przynajmniej tak moj wykladowca od writingu tlumaczyl to na podobnym przykladzie, gdzie oddawalem jedno z wypracowan już wczesniej.

Kurde literowka, nie czytajcie poprzedniego posta ;p

had had - ok