How to write a report?

Witam.
Napisałem raport i chciałbym żeby któs mi go sprawdził i wskazał ewentualne poprawki:-)

You are the secretary of the student committee at an international college.The principal is planning
an Open Day and has asked you for your comments on a programme of events.
Read the email from the Principal below. Then, using the information appropriately, write a report making
recommendations and justifying your choices.

Email:
What do you think of these ideas:
-opening speech - me(history of college)OR former student (memories of college life)?
-canteen open to the public OR international dishes cooked by students?
-do you think it would be a good idea to give demonstration lessons?
-could you suggest a suitable student to show visitors round the college?



The Open Day in which every one takes pleasure.

Introduction

The main objective of this report is to suggest solutions that might be substantial in terms of attracting the attention of those who are considering applying for our college. To rise to this challenge, it is essential to familiarize them with all the best aspects of the school.

What is studying in our college really like?

As exciting as the opening speech made by you may be, were the lecture to be made by a graduate, it would be more convincing and appealing as the future students would feel more uninhibited which would led to them asking about everything they would like to know of the college.

Multicultural food.

To emphasize the fact that our school is extremely popular with overseas students we should let them prepare most characteristic dishes so that visitors could be impressed with the diversity and creativity of our students.153

Laboratory experiments.

What they should like to see is experiments conducted in our laboratories once this is completely dissimilar to what most people have experienced so far.

The best person to ask.

It is the head of the self-government of students who is the most convenient person. Not only is he knowledgeable about every aspect of the life of students, but also has right personal skills to deal with people.

XYZ

'The' (daj tutaj AN) Open Day in which every one takes pleasure.
The main objective of this report is to suggest solutions that might be substantial in terms of attracting the attention of those who are considering applying 'for' TO our college. To rise to this challenge, it is essential to familiarize 'them' (to troche ochydne slowo tutaj, napisz 'prospective applicants') with all the best aspects of the school.

'As exciting as the opening speech made by you may be, were the lecture to be made by a graduate' (tego to calkowicie nie rozumiem) , it would be more convincing and appealing as the future students would feel more uninhibited which would 'led' (ortog) 'to' (niepotr) them 'asking' ASK about everything they would like to know 'of' (dlaczego wstawiasz to slowo, tutaj daj inne) the college.


To emphasize the fact that our school is extremely popular with overseas students we should let 'them' (do kogo to sie odnosi? do students? czy do college staff?) prepare most characteristic dishes so that visitors could be impressed with the diversity and creativity of our students.

What they should like to see is experiments conducted in our laboratories 'once this is completely dissimilar' (tego nie rozumiem) to what most people have experienced so far.

It is the Head of the self-government of students who is the most convenient person (ale po co? musisz tutaj rozszerzyc). Not only is he knowledgeable about every aspect of the life of students, but also has (brak cos) right personal skills to deal with people.

An Open Day in which every one takes pleasure.

Introduction

The main objective of this report is to suggest solutions that might be substantial in terms of attracting the attention of those who are considering applying to our college. To rise to this challenge, it is essential to familiarize prospective applicants with all the best aspects of the school.

What is studying in our college really like?

As exciting as the opening speech made by you may be, were the lecture to be made by a graduate, it would be more convincing and appealing as the future students would feel more uninhibited which would led to them asking about everything they would like to know of/oczywisty błąd-powinno byc about the college.-co do tej inwersji na początku to ja rozumiem ją tak:Jakkolwiek ciekawe mogłoby byc Twoje przemowienie, jeśli byloby one zrobione przez absolwenta, byłoby bardziej przekonywujące.

Multicultural food.

To emphasize the fact that our school is extremely popular with overseas students we should let them prepare most characteristic dishes so that visitors could be impressed with the diversity and creativity of our students.153 pisze ,że szkoła jest popularna wśród studentów zagranicznych wiec dla mnie jest jasne ,że them odnosi się do nich.

Laboratory experiments.

What they should like to see is experiments conducted in our laboratories once this is completely dissimilar to what most people have experienced so far.-to znaczy ze eksperymenty w laboratoriach są czymś nowym ponieważ są one zupełnie nipeodobne do tego co ludzie mogli doświadczyc do tej pory.

The best person to ask.

It is the head of the self-government of students who is the most convenient person. Not only is he knowledgeable about every aspect of the life of students, but also has the right personal skills to deal with people.

Jeszcze mam wątpliwości co do tego lead to them asking about..... czemu Pani sugeruje :lead them ask??? Hmmm może dlatego że nie zrozumieliśmysię przez mój bład.Otóz ja nie chciałem użyc let tylko LEAD.Wiec w tym wypadku koncówka z ing jest prawidłowa ,myle się?

'lead to their asking' jest bardziej oficjalnie jiz 'them asking'