list motywacyjny, prosba o poprawienie bledow

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
Dobry wieczor wszystkim,

Bardzo bylabym wdzieczna, gdybyscie mogli mi pomoc w wyplenieniu mojego listu motywacyjnego ze wszytkich bledow jezykowych :) Troche ich tu zapewne znajdziecie... Oczywiscie, jesli macie jakies zastrzezenia do samej tresci, z checia poslucham wszystkich rad. Oto on:

Dear Sir/Madam,

The European Union captured my interest in 2004 when Poland became a member of the community. I could immediately notice the benefits that the Union was bringing to my country of origins. Therefore, I decided to develop my knowledge about it. In 2007 I moved to France, a founder country of the European Union, in order to make my studies. Being student in Applied Contemporary Letters at Paris-Sorbonne Paris IV, I could learn French and develop my knowledge about French culture and history. This experience had only aroused my curiosity which I always try to satisfy through the numerous trips I make around Europe.
Being constantly abroad, I could not underestimate the importance of English language. Consequently, I improved my English skills while linguistic summer stays in London, New York and Liverpool. Last year, I decided to continue my studies at Sorbonne-Nouvelle Paris 3, which offers a high level formation in languages. The Bachelor in European Studies which I am preparing this year lets me improve my language skills and achieve knowledge in essential subjects – political science, economics, law and history – necessary to understand the process of construction and the functioning of the European Union.
This degree course has definitely convinced me to orientate my education towards the European Union career. Therefore, I am applying to your Master program of “Science in European Union Policy". I am persuaded that Vesalius College has all the qualities necessary to prepare its students to the career of European civil servant which I am willing to undertake. The program you propose interconnects economics, political science and history courses which would let me develop my knowledge in these fields. I have also noticed that you focus on foreign affairs that my present formation does not include. All these specializations are essential for my further career, and I will do my best to work assiduously.
Finally, Vesalius College promotes the intellectual development of students through seminars, extra-class activities and conferences. Its geographical placement is very advantageous as it is situated in the vicinity of the European institutions. Moreover, the lectures are given in English, the first working language of the European Union. These advantages make me sure that Vesalius College is the opt school for me to continue my studies.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require any additional information. I would appreciate if you could take my application into consideration and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

Marta


Dzieki ! :)

I could immediately 'notice' (daj lepsze slowo) the benefits that the Union 'was bringing' (could bring) to my country of 'origins' (tutaj 'origin'). 'Therefore' (niepotrz, ale daj 'So'), I decided to develop my knowledge about 'it' (to znaczy czego? nie jest jasne - czy tutaj mowisz o Unii czy o benefits). In 2007 I moved to France, a founder 'country' (daj tutaj 'member') of the European Union, in order to 'make' (to jest zle slowo, tutaj 'take up' albo 'continue') my studies. Being (a gdzie przedimek?) student in Applied Contemporary Letters at Paris-Sorbonne Paris IV, I could 'learn' (nie, daj to troche ooomph...extend my linguistic ability) 'French' (niepotr) and develop my knowledge about French culture and history. This experience (daj tutaj inaczej...np was the catalyst in arousing) 'had only aroused' (niepotr) my curiosity which I always try to satisfy through the 'numerous' (niepotr, wg mnie to wyglada ze sie chwalisz) trips I make around Europe.
'Being constantly abroad' (nie, napisz to inaczej...Discovering Europe), I could not underestimate the importance of English language. 'Consequently' (wg mnie niepotr), I improved my English skills 'while' (zle slowo, tutaj BY) linguistic summer stays in London, New York and Liverpool. Last year, I decided to continue my studies at Sorbonne-Nouvelle Paris 3, which offers a high level formation in languages. The Bachelor in European Studies which I am preparing this year 'lets' ALLOWS me TO improve my language skills and achieve knowledge in essential subjects – political science, economics, law and history – ALL THESE necessary to understand the process of construction and the functioning of the European Union.
This degree course has definitely convinced me to orientate my education towards 'the' AN European Union career. 'Therefore' (nie, napisz IN VIEW OF THIS, I am applying to your Master programME of “Science in European Union Policy". I am 'persuaded' (daj lepsze slowo, np 'convinced) that Vesalius College has all the qualities necessary to prepare its students 'to' FOR A) 'the' (niepotr) career of BEING A European civil servant which I am willing to undertake. The programME you propose interconnects economics, political science and history courses which would let me develop my knowledge in these fields. 'I have also noticed that' (niepotr) You ALSO focus on foreign affairs that my present formation does not include. All these specializations are essential for my further career, and I will do my best to work assiduously.
'Finally' (niepotr) Vesalius College promotes the intellectual development of students through seminars, extra-class activities and conferences. 'Moreover' (niepotr, ale i tak, polacz to zdanie z tym ostatnim, 'with the') lectures are given in English., 'the first working language of the European Union' (to jest niepotr). These advantages make me sure that Vesalius College is the 'opt' (tego nie rozumiem) school for me to continue my studies.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require any additional information.
Tu musi byc new paragraph).I would appreciate if you could take my application into consideration and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

'Sincerely' (nie, jak adresujesz Dear Sir/Madam, to Yours faithfully),

Marta (daj tutaj nazwisko)
Wszystko pieknie ladnie, ale daj wiecej o sobie, co juz zrobilas, wyniki nauki, gdzie pracowalas, zeby to bylo zachwycajace, narazie to ja to widze, jako historie EU, a nie twoje 'personality.
Serdeczne dzieki !

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