Should children attend after school activities?

Prośba o sprawdzenie.
Starałem sie nie zrobić żadnych błędów.

Should children attend after school activities? Yes/No/Why.

School activities are a good way to fill a young person’s time. By attending various activities young people can develop their skills and find out what they have a talent for.

They learn a lot of new things – they learn communication skills and how to cooperate with one another because they are forced to communicate while playing games or doing something together. Children have good fun and they learn new life skills in a pleasant atmosphere. For instance, learning English at an early age increases chance of better assimilation of the material. What is more, it is always better than sitting at home all day long. Sitting at home makes children get bored.

In addition to this, parents can go to work and they don’t need to look after their children. The investment in children will benefit both parents and children themselves.

On the other hand, not every family can afford to send a child to addition activities. For sure, it is good for a child to participate in such activities, but it is also a huge expense.

For instance, learning English at an early age increases (dodalabym tutaj THEIR) chance of better assimilation of the material. What is more, 'it' (nie za bardzo jasno do czego to 'it' sie odnosi) is always better than sitting at home all day long.
The investment in children will benefit both parents and (wg mnie 'the') children themselves.

On the other hand, not every family can afford to send a child to additionAL activities. 'For sure' (zamiast tego 'for sure' moze daj 'Undoubtedly'), it is good for a child to participate in such activities, but it is also a huge expense.