Prośba o sprawdzenie opowiadania (matura, poziom rozszerzony)

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
Bardzo proszę o sprawdzenie poniższego opowiadania. Zadanie pochodzi ze zbioru przykładowych testów maturalnych wydawnictwa Longman (chyba repetytorium)

Zadanie: Napisz opowiadanie zaczynające się od zdania: So far, everything had gone according to his plans; he closed the door and was just about to run to his car when suddenly...



Unusual burglar

So far, everything had gone according to his plans; he closed the door and was just about to run to his car when suddenly he realised that he had lost his keys. Tim, that was his name, decided to run as fast as he only could. He was so weak. His leg really hurt but Tim tried not to pay much attention. He walked straight ahead through the wood.

At the roughly the same time as this Mark was driving home back from his work. He was a respected lawyer who was working in Suprem Court. He has just moved to the new house at the center of London. That day he finished his work earlier.

Finally he had arrived. Just then he realised the streak of blood in front of his house. It was so mysterious for him. He went inside and came across to his desk. Mark realised quickly that his documents disappeared. He felt completely helpless. 'They were so important!' said Mark. Suddenly he reminded the blood on the outside. To his amazement this trail pointe straight way in front of him.

The lawyer took his car and pushed the accelerator. There wasn not even 10 minutes long. He found a man with a bleeding thigh who was keeping his notebook and briefcase with documents in it. The thief was such tired because of his aching leg that he was not even protesting while Mark was calling the police.

As it turned out the burglar had an Alzheimer ilness and forged about everything. Therefore Tim couldn't take the consequences of his behaviour.
edytowany przez yunnie: 06 cze 2012
Tim, that was his name, decided to run as fast as 'he only' (cos tu nie tak, wystarczy 'he') could. His leg really hurt, (przecinek przed 'but'). but Tim tried not to pay much attention.

At 'the' (niepotr) roughly the same time as this Mark was driving home back from his work. He was a respected lawyer who was working in (przedimek) 'Suprem' (ortog) Court. He 'has' HAD just moved to the new house 'at' IN the center of London.

Finally 'he' (tutaj nie jest jasno kto to jest) had arrived. Just then he 'realised' (nie za trafne slowo, moze noticed) 'the' A streak of blood in front of his house.
Mark realised quickly that his documents HAD disappeared.
Suddenly he 'reminded' REMEMBERED the blood 'on the' (niepotr) outside. To his amazement this trail 'pointe' (ortog) IN A straight way in front of him.

'There' (to jest zle slowo) 'wasn' (ortog) not even 10 minutes long. He found a man with a bleeding thigh who 'was keeping' HAD his notebook and briefcase with documents in it. The thief was 'such' (zle slowo) tired because of his aching leg that he 'was not even protesting' (zly czas 'did not protest) while Mark 'was calling' CALLED the police.
As it turned out the burglar had an Alzheimer 'ilness' (ortog) and 'forged' (zle slowo) about everything. Therefore Tim couldn't take the consequences of his 'behaviour' (hello, wczesniej 'centre' napisales po AmE, dlaczego to jest w BrE?)
Cytat:
He went inside and came across to his desk.
Sprawdz jak sie uzywa "come across".
aha tak, tutaj powinno byc 'went across to...'