the advantages of education - proszę o sprawdzenie paragrafu

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
Uprzejmie proszę o sprawdzenie paragrafu akademickiego.

So widespread and deeply-rooted is the proposition that education constitutes one of the greatest achievements of humanity that nowadays it surprises hardly anyone and the advocates of this statement have at least three indisputably convincing justification for claiming so. The most striking appears to be that good qualifications are frequently a prerequisite to achieving a high standard of living and becoming a member of a particular social strata, which corresponds to the next irrefutable fact that if one does not possess a university degree, they cannot follow the majority of the most respected occupations, such as doctor or lawyer. Furthermore, dramatically underestimated remains the circumstance that it is at the university where originate virtually all of the most spectacular and innovative technological inventions which make people’s lives more comfortable, and medical breakthroughs which save and even prolong them. In spite of these pragmatic benefits of being qualified, it provides educated people with an array of universal abilities such as critical thinking and enriches one’s life by broadening the mind, sensitizing to certain issues and consequently, making them more upstanding human beings. To sum up, knowledge and better behaviour, which are the most striking associations attached to education, positively influence each person’s life and consequently, make the whole world a better place.
three justification?
po striking dalbym rzeczownik
strata - co to za forma?
za dlugie to zdanie. dfalbym kropke po strata.
blad logiczny the next irrefutable fact that - to istnieją dwa niezaprzeczalne fakty, że...? Dwa takie same fakty istnieją? przyda Ci się słowo, które znaczy 'a mianowicie'.
nie wymieniaj one z they, to ma byc formal writing
follow an occupation - nie
przedimek przed doctor
nie podoba mi sie dramatically underestimated remains
where originate jest jednak niegramatyczne
po all raczej nie uzywa sie which
prolong them - them jest jakie slabe, trzeba chwilki, zeby sie zorientowac, ze chodzi o lives
in spite = pomimo? na pewno to chciales powiedziec?
sensitize wymaga dopelnienia
znowu mieszasz one i them
consequently to wtracenie, brakuje czegos przed tym slowem
each person's? nawet tych, ktorzy nie maja studiow?
So widespread and deeply-rooted is the proposition that education constitutes one of the greatest achievemensts of humanity that nowadays it surprises hardly anyone and the advocates of this statement have at least three undisputably convincing justifications for claiming so. The most striking one apears to be that good qualifications are frequently a prerequisite to achieving a high standard of living and becoming a member of a particular social stratum, which corresponds to the unrefutable fact that if one does not possess a university degree, the majority of the most respected occupations, such as a doctor or lawyer remain inaccesible to them. Furthermore, underestimated remains that the university is the major source of the most spectacular and innovative technological inventions which make people’s lives more comfortable, and medical breakthroughs which save and even prolong people’s lives. Apart from these pragmatic benefits of being qualified, it provides educated people with an array of universal abilities such as critical thinking and enriches their lives by broadening the mind, sensitising them to certain issues, and consequently, making them more upstanding human beings. To sum up, knowledge and better behaviour, which are the most striking associations attached to education, positively influence each graduate’s life, and in consequence, make the whole world a better place.
My 2p's worth:
So widespread and deeply-rooted is the proposition that education constitutes one of the greatest 'achievemensts' (ortog) of humanity that nowadays it surprises hardly anyone and the advocates of this statement have at least three 'undisputably' (ortog) convincing justifications for claiming so. The most striking one 'apears' (ortog) to be that good qualifications are frequently a prerequisite to achieving a high standard of living and becoming a member of a particular social stratum, which corresponds to the 'unrefutable' (ortog) fact that if one does not possess a university degree, the majority of the most respected occupations, such as (tu brakuje slowa) a doctor or (przedimek) lawyer remain 'inaccesible' (ortog) to them. Furthermore, 'underestimated remains' (tego nir rozumiem, maslo maslane) that the university is the major source of the most spectacular and innovative technological inventions which make people’s lives more comfortable, and medical breakthroughs which save and even prolong people’s lives. Apart from these pragmatic benefits of being qualified (w czym? tutaj trzeba napisac, 'qualified' jest zle slowo tutaj)) , it provides educated people with an array of universal abilities such as critical thinking and enriches their lives by broadening the mind,' sensitising' (ortog) them to certain issues, and consequently, 'making' (slowo jest za 'ciezkie' nie ma dowodow na to - trzeba lagodniej, 'ze moze to zrobic') them more upstanding human beings. To sum up, knowledge and 'better behaviour' (to znaczy jaka? wczesniej nic o 'behaviour' nie pisales), which are the most striking associations attached to education, positively influence each graduate’s life, and 'in consequence' (nie, tutaj 'consequently'), (tutaj potrzeba modala, can, may, should) make the whole world a 'better' (co to znaczy i dla kogo?) place.

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