Case report - poprawność językowa

Temat przeniesiony do archwium
Witam serdecznie i proszę o pomoc:
Dostałam za zadanie odsłuchać 2 minutowy wywiad i na jego podstawie stworzyć "szczegółowy opis przypadku". Czy mógłby ktoś to sprawdzić i poprawić ewentualne błędy?
Z góry dziękuję!

Case report
Mister Hudson is a fifty-eight year old man, he is married and has three children: two girls and a boy. He works in post office. Earlier he served in the army.
The patient had appendicitis as a child, but other than that he hasn’t been hospitalized.
Present problem:
The patient reports severe back pain, which has been occuring for over a week and started during hard work in garden. The patient acknowledges that he worked beyond his means. The pain also affects the left leg up to the foot. Patient describes it as „needle stings”. The ailments are present all the time causing sleep problems and making it impossible to function. Patient took asprin, but despite a temporary improvement, the pain returns.

Addnotation: This is a report from Mister’s Hudson first visit, because he just moved in and the doctor doesn’t have patient’s old records yet.
occuRRing, ale tu lepiej which he has had for... It started
przedimki przed post office, garden, patient, aspirin
up to the foot - czy on chodzi do gory nogami?
ailments nie - symptoms
annotation albo note
oczywiscie bez łącznika przed man. O jeden znak za daleko
It is rare for Mr or Mrs to be written in a non-abbreviated form.