Moje story

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
Napisz story o nastolatku, który podczas wycieczki szkolnej uratował kolegów.
Nie śmiać się, bo piszę coś takiego po raz pierwszy... Dobra, nigdy więcej łatwizny;)

During my summer holidays I was camping with my friends at the seaside. When we were going fish, we saw a group of teenagers with a teacher. Boys were swimming in the sea. Girls were lieing on the beach. ''It is usual class trip''- said Mark.
In the evening we saw this same group. They were roasting sausages near the forest.
Suddenly two boys disappeared. The teacher didn' t see this. They were looking forward for do something. ''What happened?'' I and my friend thought.
After that two men carried on a bottle with beer. When they finished drink they wanted to go on a boat. They stole one near the sea. Immedientely one of them slipped and fell to the water. He couldn' t swim and started to sink. While he was under the board, his friend was laughing with him. ''Help me''- he screamed.
When I saw that friend needs help, we wanted to help him.
He drunk too mych but we saw a teenager who was running to him quickly.
He took his couple out with water. He was a hero, because he also took him with a first rescue. In a short time, there came up much people. Somebody called for a ambulance. That was a terrible history but everybody learned very much.

Chyba mi wyszedł opis sytuacji...?
za mało przymiotników i przysłówków
When we were going 'fish' ('fish' to tutaj znaczy 'ryba', musisz napisac 'fishing'), we saw a group of teenagers with a teacher. THE boys were swimming in the sea. THE girls were 'lieing' (ortog-) on the beach. "It is (przedimek) usual class trip" said Mark.
They were looking 'forward for do' (cos tu nie tak z tym...napisz to po polsku zebym zrozumiala) something. "What HAS happened?" 'I and my friend' (napisz 'my friend and I') thought.
After that two men carried 'on' (niepotr) a 'bottle with beer' (lepiej a 'beer bottle'. When they finished 'drink' DRINKING they wanted to go on a boat.
'Immedientely' (ortog) one of them slipped and fell INto the water.
While he was 'under the' OVERboard, his friend was laughing 'with' AT him. "Help me"- he screamed.
When I saw that HIS friend 'needs' NEEDED (tutaj mowisz o czasie przeszlym) help, we wanted to help him.
He HAD drunk too 'mych' (ortog) but we saw a teenager who was running toWARDS him VERY quickly.
He took 'his couple out' (cos tu nie tak) 'with' (zle slowo, tutaj moze OUT OF) water. He was a hero, because he also 'took him with a first rescue' (nie moge tegto zrozumiec). In a short time, 'there came up 'much' MANY people' (napisz to inaczej...many people had come up to see what had happened).
That was a terrible 'history' (nie, tutaj daj 'event') but everybody learned very much (from it).
They were looking 'forward for do- oczekiwaliśmy na to co oni zrobią.
He was a hero, because he also 'took him with a
>first rescue' (nie moge tegto zrozumiec)- on udzielił pierwszej pomocy... to chciałam napisać

dzięki
mialo byc o chlopcu, ktory uratowal kolegow z klasy
raz piszesz, ze dwoch kolegow z tej klasy zniknelo. Ok, mysle, akcja sie zawiazuje.
potem piszesz o jakim mezczyznie, ktory zaczal sie topic, bo wypil piwa. Czy to byl ktos z tej klasy? Obawiam sie, ze nie i nauczyciel potraktuje to jako prace nie na temat.
Moim zdaniem powinnas napisac, ze to dwaj koledzy z klasy ukradli te lodke i wyplyneli, ale np. byla fala i jeden wypadl itp.
zmieniłam fabułę całkowicie:))
już jest dobrze:) ale dzięki:)

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