Proszę o sprawdzenie (list formalny)

List formalny, zadanie z podstawowej maturki z maja 2005. Będę wdzięczna za sprawdzenie.


Dear Sir/ Madam,
I am writing to you because I want to start studying in Academy of Art in Boston. I have information about Academy from Internet and newspapers. I am interested in studying Architecture.
I come from Warszawa, Poland. I finished primary school in 1999. I am a graduate of Liceum Akademickie from 2003. I got a report card with distinction. I took part in competition of young architects and I was third in the country and sixth in the world. I think Academy of Art can give me chance to progress and show new ways for my future. I am laborious and scrupulous person and I will be a good student.
I have learnt English for ten years and I have no problem with make oneself understood. My level is upper-intermediate so studying in this language would not be problem for me.
I want to study abroad because it would give me more chances to show my talet. It would be great experience too.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Yours faithfully,
XYZ

>I took part in competition of young architects
I took part in THE competition of young architects

>I was third in the country and sixth in the world
I was THE third in the country and THE sixth in the world

>I think Academy of Art
I think THE Academy of Art (w poprzednich zdaniach chyba też przed akademią potrzebny jest przedimek)

>give me chance to progress
give me THE chance to MAKE progress

>show new ways for my future.
DISCOVER new ways for my future.

>I am laborious and scrupulous person
I am A laborious (czy to słówko na pewno pasuje do opisu osoby?) and scrupulous person

>I have no problem with make oneself understood.
I have no problemS with BEING understood.

>would not be problem for me
would not be A problem for me

>It would be great experience too.
It would be A great experience too. (nie jestem pewna tego "a")

laborious - może raczej: hard-working?

>>I took part in competition of young architects
>I took part in A competition FOR young architects
>
>>I was third in the country and sixth in the world
ok
>>
>>give me chance to progress
>give me A chance to MAKE progress
>
>It would be A great experience too.

Nie patrzylem na caly tekst.

...'I have learnt English for ten years and I have no problem with make oneself understood. My level is upper-intermediate so studying in this language would not be problem for me'.
Domyslam, sie ze masz jakies certifikaty jez. ang. ktore oczywiscie sa wymagane. Napewno w lepszych Uni's wymagaja 'advanced' - ponizej to mozesz nie dac sobie rady z jezykiem academickim.
A tak z boku - to zdanie mozna poprawic i to dobrze. pp.I have STUDIED THE English language for the last 10 years. I do not anticipate any problems with making myself understood. At the momemnt my language level is upper-intermediate'

I've been learning Eglish for 10 years..

>I've been learning Eglish for 10 years..

oba są ok imo

a może i nie :\

obydwa zdania sa ok - tak - ale czy nie lepiej napisac 'I've been studying English' bo przeciez on stara sie na studia, i chce sie pochwalic zdolnoscia jezyka.

Hejka!
Mysle, ze powinnas dac ten list do sprawdzenia jakiemus korepetytorowi, by ktokolwiek w Bostonie chcial to przeczytac. Podstawa to dobry list i cv.
Listy w jezyku angielskim wymagaja jednak bardziej przyjaznej/grzecznosciowej formy niz ta zaprezentowana przez ciebie. Tak to juz jest, ze w angielskim trzeba slodzic dosc przesadnie, zeby bylo ladnie i odnioslo skutek:-)
3mam kciuki!

hehe, ale to chyba nie list do Bostonu, tylko ćwiczenie maturalne?:))))))))
I dlatego jest na poziomie maturalnym:)

mysle, ze I have learnt English for 10 years nie bedzie dobrze. juz nawet nie wgłębiajac się w użycia czasów perfect, nie wygląda to dobrze samo w sobie

everybody's carried away:d

no, we're not getting carried away - but bearing in mind that this forum is for 'polishing up your English' any comments or observations we make, might, just might be useful to somebody studying English.

eee tam :-) chcialam tylko pomoc ;-)

Dziękuję za poprawienie, niezły wątek się z tego zrobił. Bez obaw, ja tego niegdzie nie wysyłam;)