proszę o sprawdzenie

Proszę o sprawdzenie esseju: Drugs addicts are victims not criminals.

Drugs are everywhere. Drug traffickers offering all sorts of them for example: cannabis, crack, LSD or some ‘hard’ drugs which are more dangerous and addictive - heroin or cocaine. Now drugs are very attractive, we can found they at every street corner, the majority of them are available in discos and at school.
The dealers are very cunning and that is why the police find it difficult to locate such places. They sell drugs young people who often are unhappy, unbalance, desperate, hopeless or who have some another problems, should not be treated as criminals. They also should not be sentenced to prison or be forced to live at the margins of society. Why? Because their actions in most cases do not have a direct impact on another person. The first thing we do to define a crime is whether this crime has a victim who is different like criminal. Individuals who use drugs definitely are the victims. They hurt themselves. Drugs can kill.
On the other hand, the police regard them as criminals and punish them very harshly when they catch someone who is a drug addict. I think that the police are unjust in many cases. In my opinion, they should help drug addicts to come off drugs but not by punishing them. Some people believe that is only way if we want lower the number of drugs users. I disagree, everything what is illegal is more attractive and have more supporter.
Drug addicts are victims and they need help. Drug dealers should go to prison not drugs addicts. Dealers are guilty because they hurt young people and sometimes drug addicts dice with death. People who are drug addicts need professional assistance from dedicated organizations to help them give up taking drugs. They should go to treatment center, there is professional help. In Poland such an organization is Monar. In school there should be regular check-ups in which teachers or specially trained people would spy on students during the brakes. Teenagers should help other young people come off drugs, they should talking about it witch addiction people. It's not easy but they can spend some free time with them to make friends with them in order to understand their reasons.
To sum up, drug users should be subjects to compulsory hospital treatment and drug traffickers should simply go to jail. So if you want to be different, say "no drugs" - "don't become one of those five hooked on dope". So all in all there is still a lot to do for drug addicts to make them feel that they are not criminals. We need to create appropriate environment to help them recover at early stage.

Z góry wielkie dzięki.
pozdrawiam

Drug traffickers OFFER all sorts of DRUGS for example: cannabis, crack, LSD or some 'hard' (jak juz mowisz ktore sa hard drugs, to zaznacz ktore sa 'soft drugs') drugs ...
Now (nie tylko 'now' - one zawsze byly, tylko teraz je latwiej kupic) drugs are very attractive, we can fIND theM at every...
The dealers are very cunning and that is why the police find it
difficult to locate THEM. (such places-nie pasuje, bo piszesz o drug dealers-a to sa osoby a nie places).
They sell drugs TO young people who often are unhappy, unbalanceD, desperate, hopeless or who have 'some another' (nie, some OTHER) problems. (Teraz tutaj cos brakuje, kto nie powinnien byc traktowany, drug dealers czy jego klienci?) ...should not be treated as criminals.
...direct impact on OTHER PEOPLE. The first thing we do to define a
crime is whether this crime has a victim 'who is different like criminal'(co to znaczy, nie rozumiem-).
THE individuals who use drugs ARE definitely the victims.
On the other hand, the police regard them as criminals (kogo, tych co uzywaja-tych victims?)and punish them very harshly when they catch someone who is a drug addict.
Some people believe that THIS is THE only way if we want TO lower the number of drugs users. I disagree, everything THAT is illegal is more attractive and
ALWAYS HAS more supporterS.
...IT IS THE drug dealers WHO should go to prison not THE drugs addicts. Dealers are guilty because they hurt young people (BY ENCOURAGING THEM TO USE DRUGS AND GETTING THEM HOOKED)and sometimes drug addicts dice with death.
They should go to treatment center(jak AmE to centREs) WHERE there is professional help.
In Poland ONE such organization is Monar.
In school there should be regular check-ups in which teachers or
specially trained people would spy on students during the brakes (BREAKS, brake to hamulec)
...they should talk about it witch (WITH, witch to cos innego-czarownica)THE ADDICTS. WHILST it's not easy ...
...appropriate environment to help them recover at AN early stage.

'who is different like criminal'(co to znaczy, nie rozumiem-). Chciałam napisać, że ofiarą jest inna osoba niż przestępca, że w przestępstwie muszą być dwie postaci – przestępca i ofiara, podczas gdy ofiarami narkomanów są oni sami.

On the other hand, the police regard them as criminals (kogo, tych co uzywaja-tych victims?) tak, narkomanów

'who is different like criminal' - to wtedy - ...who is different TO THE criminal - any crime has to have a perpetrator and a victim.
Drugie zdanie jest ok - bo tak to rozumialam.