jokes

You may also add that those are not merely \"silly\" jokes but the jokes, which make fun of Poles (who are always shown as complete idiots).

The funny part is that most of those would be much better suited to describe a typical American not a typical Pole.

of course Martine that I am a blond and you know me very well from this site.

best regards

R.S.

it\'s because you cannot make fun of yourself - especially in USA with patriotism everywhere and uhm... stuff :-) ;:-P american pie :-) so they have polish jokes instead of american jokes...

talking of stupid jokes... yep intelligence is not in great value in this country :-( as you can see in this so called joke...

I know a nigger - his name is Tim.
I love to throw tomatoes at him.
Tomatoes are soft and don\'t bruise da skin
but these fuckers do cos they\'re still in the tin.

Yep, it\'s very popular right now - i\'m still wondering why... Sorry about f\'s - i just give you the exact version of it...

Now, that was actually pretty funny!

(I love the so-called \"racist\" jokes because more often than not they\'re very authentic)

Here\'s one:

A nigger walks into a bar and he has a large parrot sitting on his shoulder. The bartender looks at him and goes:
- Hey, what the hell is that supposed to be? Where\'d you get it?
The parrot answers:
- Oh, in Africa; you could pick those up all over the place...

Since USA has the best universities in the world that are respected everywhere, I wonder where this opinion Kasiulku comes from.
Maybe you lived in slums and uneducated in while staying in USA or you have never been to USA at all. Personally, I haven\'t observed that Americans are less inteligent then the other nations. Of course, it depends who you compare. If you meet simple folk and compare with the Polish students, in that case they might seem stupid. But if you take an average Polish dressiarz and compare those guys with adequate type of people in USA, you will see thay they don\'t differ that much

In USA, Poles are famous in jokes for their stupidity!!!

about this particular joke and intelligence of people - i wasn\'t referring to Americans... I was referring to the country where i live - if you were registered member you would know... As for Americans i wrote only about patriotism and American pie - what that has got to do with american unieversities? about level of education????????
About dresiarze :-) - don\'t they live also in the USA? Or is it only Polish specimen? I know that sth like that exists in Russia - here it is every young person :-) about 1[tel]yrs old... Hip hop rulez, what do i need studies for and stuff :-) Anyway - level of studies in this strange country is awful... My polish high school gave me more than studies here gve people who after all decide to study... For awful money...
Ok that\'s all - time to learn definition of the word sarcasm :-)
Why do you assume i am ignorant about USA? And why do you assume I\'m living in the slums? Anyway - isn\'t it a little stereotypic? Can\'t some unfortunate professor live in the slums??????
PS to BOB. Right very popular are famous song with nw words - about Indians :-) They are really funny. Right now nr 1 hit is Dairy in the corner :-) Ouch this Indian \"R\" will kill me some day :-)

poor parrot :-) well this one is funny :-)

By the way - i would argue about american universities being the best in the world... I know some that are beter... Though I am not saying they are the worst... (in case you will want to accuse me why i am saying am univ are the worst...)

\"In USA, Poles are famous in jokes for their stupidity!!!\" So who the hell are you????? Another immigrant who is Amerrrrrrican or Amerrrrrican with polish roots????? Sorry but you are confusing, man... Well, I - for instance - am proud to be Polish. could, you, please, tell me who are you? I am talking about nationality :-) Don;t need your full data :-)

I am NOT a racist. I have a color TV !

There comes an old lady to a greengrocers and says:
- I\'d like a cucumber, a tomato abd an onion
-Sorry, we\'re out of onions.
Old lady pays and goes out. Returnes after a minute
-Oh, I\'m sorry I forgot to but an onion
-But we are out of onions I\'ve told you
-Really, sorry then..
And she goes out, but returnes after a second
- You know what? I forgo to buy an onion
-How many times do I have to tell you WE HAVE NO ONIONS LEFT!!
-Oh, I\'m sorry, I forgot
And goes out, returnes in a sec.
-I\'m sorry young man I forgot to buy an onion
-Madam, what will stay if you take away to from tomato?
-...mato.
-Good. And what will stay if you take away cu from cucumber
-...cumber.
-Very good. And what will stay if you take away fuck from onion?
-..There\'s no fuck in onion
-THAT\'S WHAT I\'M TELLING YOU!!!

Yes, I was born of the Polish parentage, but it doesn\'t mean that I will pretend that I don\'t know what sort of jokes they say about Poles. That would be rather hipocritical

Yes Kasul, they exist: TRACKSUIT-MEN.

Level of studies in USA varies GREATLY. Even if we exclude the scientists-emigrants, It is commonly known fact that there are more Noble prizes as a % per capita in USA that in any other nation.

My favourite joke goes like that:

The father pokes his sleeping son and says \"Wake up Jim! It\'s time for you to go to school.\"
The son answers \"I don\'t want to go to school.\"
The father asks \"Why?\"
\"There are three reasons for that\" replies Jim \"The first: I hate school, the second: it is boring there and the third: the children tease me.\"
The father argues \"I also give you three reasons for going immediately to school. The first: You are grownup. The second: You are 45 years old. The third: You are school principal.\"

PRO-CHOICE

A pompous clergyman was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight to Dallas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The TEXAN asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, \"I\'d rather be savagely raped by ten whores than let liquor touch my lips.\"

The TEXAN looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, \"I didn\'t know we had a choice.\"

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says \"dam\"

Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted.

A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says \"I\'ll serve you, but don\'t start anything.\"

A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, \"Sorry - we don\'t serve food in here.\"

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says: \"A beer please, and one for the road.\"

Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: \"Does this taste funny to you?\"

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly:\"I was artificially inseminated this morning.\"
I don\'t believe you,\" said Dolly.
It\'s true, no bull!\"

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, \"I\'ve lost my electron.\"
The other says, \"Are you sure?\"
The first replies, \"Yes, I\'m positive...\"

Deja Moo: The feeling that you\'ve heard this bullsh#t before.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, \"My dog\'s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? \"Well,\" says the vet, \"let\'s have a look at him\". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says: \"I\'m going to have to put him down.\"
\"What? Because he\'s cross-eyed?\"
\"No, because he\'s really heavy\"

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn\'t find any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 dollars that he couldn\'t reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, \"No, the steaks are too high.\"

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.

A man walks into doctor\'s office.
\"What seems to be the problem?\" asks the doc.
\"It\'s... um... well... I have five penises.\" replies the man.
\"Blimey!\" says the doctor, \"How do your trousers fit?\"
\"Like a glove.\"


Two fish are in a tank
One says to the other \"I\'ll man the guns, you drive\"

Pefrect! :-)

Any current news about electricians?
\"Smile,\" they said, \"it could be worse\". So I did and it was.
You\'ll never walk alone with schizophrenia.
Why is your au pair under the table with a bewildered look on her face? Well, she wanted to know what my carpet was made of, so I said \"Hide. The cow\'s outside\"

And the best:
An English lady is talking to an American, and she says:
\"What would you say to a cup of coffee?\"
The American thinks for a moment and then answers:
\"I\'d say: \'Hello, cup of coffee\'\"

Ok don\'t want to argue anymore :-) Stop being nasty Kasiul and behave :-)
Nobel prize - could be in some % of this % also connected with better financial grants or whatever it is called in hi tech language :-) Which should be envied really... Cause there are somewhere really clever people but without possibility to make their ideas work because of no money or political system.... Pity...

Sorry it just pissed me off about saying Poles are known of their stupidity... Emmmmmmmmmm whatever - we should make some jokes bout americans and called them american jokes - just in revenge :-) nah, just kiddin\' :-) We are long past an eye for an eye :-)

In the Western Europe is far easier to get a grant than in USA, it is not that easy in US with money as people think.

Yes, we should joke about Americans as well!

Give me tha name of the place where everything is easy :-) I would like to go there for a weekend :-)

I love to count the number of times USA flag is shown in movies :-) That\'s amzing - i remeber that i laughed a lot when i watched amazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzing movie called Pearl Harbour :-) Only what i wanted was watch sth about history :-) Instead I got flags everywhere - even between corpses floating in the water :-) and some crapy love story :-) And I\'m asking - who\'s givin\' money for THAT?????? They should give it to scientists and so on... Maybe for some hungry people... Wahatever, sth else - that\'s for sure... Me for example :-P
Let\'s make a contest to create some AMOKES :-) that stands for American JOkes :-) I have no idea right now cause my brain is dead like in a Peter Jackson movie :-))))))))) Still 2 more days of work to go...

I really enjoyed that one!It\'s true!!

The Mugging


Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

\"Give me your money\", he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, \"You can\'t do this - I\'m a United States Congressman!\"

\"In that case,\" replied the mugger, \"give me MY money.\"

Funny English Signs

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an \'E\' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In an ex-Yugoslav hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner:
Drop your trousers here for best results. :) :) (I love that one !)

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

I found this short dialogue in a newspaper:
-\"What\'s the matter?\"
-\"Doesn\'t mind!\"
-\"What\'s mind?\"
-\"It doesn\'t matter!\"

In the human body, which organ is in charge?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: \"I should be in charge, because I run all the body\'s systems, so without me nothing would happen.\"

\"I should be in charge,\" said the heart, \"because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you\'d all waste away.\"

\"I should be in charge,\" said the stomach, \"because I process food and give all of you energy.\"

\"I should be in charge,\" said the rectum, \"because I\'m responsible for waste removal.\"

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?

You don\'t have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an asshole.

Hope you like this one:


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
\"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.\"

Watson replies, \"I see millions of stars.\"

\"What does that tell you?\"

Watson ponders for a minute. \"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it\'s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?\"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. \"Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.\"

Hello. This one is called: I Like Your Thinking... ;)) I hope you won\'t take any offence...

A teacher asks her class, \'\'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?\'\' She calls on little Johnny.
\'\'None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.\'\'

The teacher replies, \'\'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.\'\' Then Little Johnny says, \'\'I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?\'\'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, \'\'Well I suppose the one that\'s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.\'\'

\'\'The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.\'\'

another college joke:



I Would Do Anything...


A student comes to a young professor\'s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door and kneels pleadingly.

\"I would do anything to pass this exam.\"

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes, \"I mean,\" she whispers, \"I would do anything...\"

He returns her gaze, \"Anything?\"

\"Anything.\"

His voice softens, \"Anything?\"

\"Anything!\" she repeats.

His voice turns to a whisper.

\"Would you... study?\"