jokes

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ya are stupid
I heard recently new joke. I don't know that my English i good enough to translate, but I'll try;)

Two men (firends) are meeting after a few years.
1. How are you?
2. Fine. Thanks. How are you?
1. I'm OK. I've been to Norway recently.
2. O... really? Did you see any rendieer there?
1. Yes. Naturally! Why wouldn't I see them there?
2. Fine... but... did you see any white bears there?
1. Yes. They are beautiful animals!
2. O yes! but.... did you see the fjords there?
1. The fiords? ......... Of course!!!!! The fiords ate from my hand!
Sorry, another joke about blondes.
Why do blondes get their knickers from C & A? (large department store)
So they can tell which way to put them on.
ok so catch this one:

what do afroamerican males and sperms have in common?

one in million works

and it`s not like im racist or something i literally like people of other coluours of skin i just think it`s great pay of words:)
Hehe, I'm dark-haired...:D

This is my joke:

Three men, blind one, deaf one and limping one are going along the track.
Suddenly the deaf one says:
- I can hear a train!
The blind one:
- Oh! I can see it!
And the limping one:
- Let's run away from here, guys!

:) I hope my translation is good..
A lawyer, a computer specialist and a historian are discussing the pros and cons of having a wife, or a mistress.
The lawyer is all for having a wife. he stresses the legality of this kind of relationship and the stability it brings into one's life. The computer specialist would prefer a lover: "There are times I'm not back home until after midnight anyway. A wife would not stand it. A looser, on-off type of relationship without that much commitment is what I'm looking for".
Finally, the historian has his say, "I posit that it is best to have both a wife and a lover. You see, my wife thinks I'm having a tryst, my lover thinks that I'm at home, while I take this opportunity to spend a few relaxing hours at the university library."
Here are some more interesting comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Olympics:


1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw
her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."



2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak
from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."



3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother
and father."



4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths
in boxing, but none of them really that serious."



5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we
can expect the same thing again."



6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."



7. At the rowing medal awards ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice? The wife
of the IOC president is hugging the 'cox' of the British crew."



8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've
got eleven 'Dicks' on the field."



9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them....Oh, my God, what have I just said?"
It's very fany, I like it too:)
A man and his wife were eating dinner in an expensive restaurant when young beautiful women approached and kissed him on the mouth, she said to him "see you later" and came out.
The wife shouted:
- Who was she!?
- She is my mistress.
- What? ... I want a divorce!
- OK. I agree. But you must know that you wouldn' have a Mercedes in your garage, .... you wouldn't spend your holidays in hot countries ..... and you wouldn't go shopping in Paris.

At the same time their friend Karol came in to the restaurant with a young woman. ..
- Who is that woman with Karol ? - asked wife
- She is his mistress.
- Really? ... Ours is more interesting - said the wife.
Theese are not my favourite, but they're in english (n' nevertheless good):): An anthropologist wants to investigate an African tribe. He flies to Africa and finds a guide with
a canoe who will take him to the village. About noon on the second day of travel up the river, they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the anthropologist was worried. He asked the guide, “What are those drums?”
The guide turned to him and said “Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop.”
Then, after some hours, the drums suddenly stopped! The anthropologist panicked and yelled at the guide: “The drums have stopped,
the drums have stopped, what happens now?”
The guide crouched down, fear in his eyes,
covered his head with his hands and said,
“Bass solo”.



A big corporation recently hired several cannibals.
"You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing.
"You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat,
but please don't eat any of the other employees".

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with you.
However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others,
"Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals shouted,
"You fool!!! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything,
but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!"

Theese are REALLY good:
The following signs have been found in various locations, using the English language somewhat creatively...
On an Athi River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.


Actual Questions Asked in Court Rooms...
"How many time have you committed suicide?"
"Were you alone or by yourself?"
"How far apart were the cars when the collision occurred?"
"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
"Were you present when your picture was taken?"
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