List prywatny - za sprawdzenie specjalne podziękowanie ;)

Temat przeniesiony do archwium
Polecenie to:
Wspólnie z kolegami i koleżankami z klasy zorganizowaliście w waszej szkole akcję charytatywną. Napisz list do kolegi z Irlandii.

• Poinformuj, na czym polegała akcja i jaki był jej cel.
• Napisz, kto był pomysłodawcą akcji i jaka była twoja rola w jej przygotowaniu.
• Opisz problem, z którym się zmagaliście w trakcie przygotowań, i napisz, jak go rozwiązaliście.
• Opisz zainteresowanie akcją i ile pieniędzy/środków udało wam się zebrać

Moja odpowiedź to:

Dear Jack,

How are you? Sorry I haven’t written to you for so long, but I was very busy organizing charity. Previously my best friend, Kao, had told me about Mike’s serious illness.
We intended walking to gather money, which was send to the bank account of foundation, among various classes. Treatment is really expensive.

Although Kao was originator, actually, I was in charge of success of this project. I had to draw up a plan of the whip-round.

We also tried to persuade headmaster to organize a charity concert, but she refused us (despite huge interest from students, who send applications for change of decision) having told that large gym was reserved for another ceremony (in fact it wasn’t). So we had to fit in small class, however, the concert was cancelled.

The money which we collected was really impressive – nearly 5 000 PLN.

Regards,
XYZ

Z góry dzięki, każda pomoc jest dla mnie ważna.
Mysle ze praca jest poprawna, najwazniejsze to zawrzec te 4 myslniki aby otrzymac max pkt dodatkowe sa za poprawnosc jezykowa jednak przyznaje sie je wtedy gdy tekst zawiera wiecej niz polowe wymaganych informacji. pamietaj zawsze o ilosci słow 120 słów optymalnie. dlugosc i forma sa wazne orazbogactwo jezykowe za2 pkt maksymalnie.
Sorry I haven’t written to you for so long, but I was very busy organizing 'charity' (tutaj nie jest jasne o co chodzi) .
We intended (Mowi sie 'doing a sponsored walk') 'walking' to gather money, which was (tu brak 2 slowa) send to the bank account of (brak przedimka) Foundation, among various classes. (brak przedimka) treatment is really expensive.

Although Kao was (brak przedimka) originator, actually, I was in charge of (brak przedimka) success of this project. I had to draw up a plan of the 'whip-round' (zle okreslenie).

We also tried to persuade (brak przedimka) headmaster to organize a charity concert, but she refused us (despite (brak przedimka) huge interest from students, who send 'applications' (zle slowo, mozna petitions) for (brak przedimka) change of decision) having told (komu? czemu?) that (brak przedimka) large gym was reserved for another ceremony (in fact it wasn’t). So we had to fit in (brak przedimka) small class, 'however, the concert was cancelled' (to niema sensu, bo jak 'fit in a small class' - to po co 'cancelled').

Jak to poprawisz to bedzie dobrze.
Ok, trochę poprawiłem, część przerobiłem, aby zmieścić się w limicie 150 słów.


Dear Jack,
How are you? Sorry I haven’t written to you for so long, but I was very busy organizing charity action. Previously my best friend, Kao, had told me about Mike’s serious illness.
We intended doing a sponsored walk to gather money, which was to spent on treatment, among various classes.
Although Kao was an originator, actually, I was in charge of the success of this project. I had to draw up a plan of the fund-raising.
We also tried to persuade the headmaster to organize a charity concert, but she refused us (despite huge interest from students, who send petitions for change of decision) having told us that a large gym was reserved for another ceremony (in fact it wasn’t). So we had to fit in a small class.
The money which we collected was really impressive – nearly 5 000 PLN.
Regards,
XYZ



Dzięki naprawdę za pomoc.
How are you? Sorry I haven’t written to you for so long, but I was very busy organizing (przedimek A) charity 'action.' (lepiej daj slowo ACTION) Previously my best friend, Kao, had told me about Mike’s serious illness.
We intended doing a sponsored walk to gather money, which was to BE spent on treatment, among various classes.
Although Kao was an originator, actually, I was in charge of the success of this project, I had to draw up a plan 'of' FOR the fund-raising.
We also tried to persuade the headmaster to organize a charity concert, but she refused us (despite huge interest from students, who send petitions for A change of decision) having told us that a large gym was reserved for another ceremony (in fact it wasn’t).
dluzszy tekst uzytkowy;list prywatny,Wlasnie wrocilas do polski po dluzszym pobycie w Nottingham.Napisz list do rodziny u,ktorej mieszkalas opisz podroz do domu,podziekuj za okazana goscine.przywolaj mile wspomnienia z pobytu w Angli i krotko je opisz,zapros adresatow do polski

Dear Mr and Mrs Gordon.

I've just arrived to Poland from my visit in England. My trip was fine. Plane departed from airport on time, and we had no delays when we landed in Warsaw. My dad picked me up from the airport, so this wasnt such a stressful experiance as i though it might be. I was realy pleased that you let me stay at your place for such a long time. I did realy enjoyed Nottingham, and i would like to reapay for your hospitality. I will forever remember cooking lessons i took from You Mrs Gordnon. I learned a lot, and my boyfriend will be very happy to have some delicious meals that i will make for him. Spending time with all of you was such a fun experience, that i miss England already. I would like to invite You to visit Poland. I would realy like to show You my country, and spend some more time with together. Please consider taking a trip to Poland soon.

I hope to hear from you soon again. Take care.
Izabela

Prosze o ewentualna poprawke
I - wielką literą
you - małą
time together

aha i przecinek przed Mrs
tam ma byc 150 słow jak to skrócic zeby mialo sens
Możesz na przykład wyrzucić drugie zdanie, a zamiast niego wstawić jakiś przymiotnik przed trip w pierwszym zdaniu. Z kolejnego zdania możesz skreślić from airport (i przed plane trzeba albo the albo our.. Zamiast we had no delays... wystarczy napisać arrived in Warsaw on time. I wiele innych zmian można wprowadzić w pozostałych zdaniach.
nie bedzie:
...arrived IN from my visit TO ...?
I've just arrived 'to' (popraw) Poland from my visit in England.
(brak przedimkA) plane departed from (brak przedimka) airport on time, and we had no delays when we landed in Warsaw. My dad picked me up from the airport, so this 'wasnt' (popraw, brak cos) such a stressful 'experiance' (blad ortog) as 'i' (popraw) though it might be. I was 'realy' (ortog) pleased that you let me stay 'at your place' (to jest za bardzo kolokw.) for such a long time. I 'did 'realy' (ortog)' (zla kol slow) 'enjoyed' (popraw) Nottingham, and 'i' (popraw) would like to 'reapay' (co to za slowo?) (ale komu? nie napisalas) for your hospitality. I will forever remember (brak przedimka) cooking lessons 'i' (popraw) took from 'You' (popraw) Mrs 'Gordnon' (popraw). I learned a lot, and my boyfriend will be very happy to have some delicious meals that 'i' (popraw) will make for him. Spending time with all of you was such a fun experience, that 'i' (popraw) miss England already. I would like to invite 'You' (popraw) to visit Poland. I would 'realy' (ortog) like to show 'You' (popraw) my country, and spend some more time 'with together' (z razem? jak to? nawet po polsku tak nie mowimy) .
I hope to hear from you 'soon again' (pomysl, albo jedno albo drugie) .
Temat przeniesiony do archwium