Gry komputerowe zabijają relacje międzyludzkie- rozprawka.

Witam.
Bardzo proszę o sprawdzenie tej rozprawki. Byłbym bardzo wdzięczny za zerknięcie :).

Temat: "Gry komputerowe zabijają relacje międzyludzkie"
Miałem pisać rozprawkę typu against or for, ale zdecydowałem się na against&for.

Some people say that computer games kills relationships. I partly agree with that.
I think that we must have moderate in everything. If someone play computer games too much it can result in poor relationships. This kind of people stay at their homes or internet cafes for hours and they do not have time for real life. They reduce their relationships to internet friends. They often do not need to meet with others in real life because their favorite friend is computer. It is really dangerous because they may totally lose in virtual life and forget real life.
On the other hand I think that when someone play computer games not for too long there is not any risk. When he or she come back from school or work and just want to rest and enjoy time so why not? I do not think that playing computer games in rational sort of time is dangerous for relationships. It is really good way to forget about problems and just enjoy wonderful world where you can do everything you want. You can also meet someone interesting in online games and maybe meet in real life. I know some men who met their wifes via online games.
In sum when you do not play too much it do not kill relationships, but when you do not have moderation it could be tragic consequences.

games kills = gry zabija
have moderate = miec umiarkowany
someone play = ktos grają
to meet others
is the computer
totally lose themselves in
notorycznie piszez 'ktoś grają', on wracają'. Wiesz, czego tam brakuje?
usuń 'so' sprzed why not
zamiast tego z rational napisz 'for sensibly short periods'
way jest policzalne
a wonderful world
sprawdz, jak sie pisze l.mn. od wife
it to tez jest liczba pojedyncza
to mogą być tragiczne konsekwencje?

Dziękuję bardzo za pomoc.
Niestety nie wiem czego brakuje w 'ktoś grają', on wracają'. Jedyne co przychodzi mi do głowy to może końcówki 's'?

Poprawiłem:
Some people say that playing computer games kills relationships (teraz ok?). I partly agree with that.
I think that we must keep balance (chodzi mi o równowagę, można tak?) in everything. If someone play computer games too much it can result in poor relationships. This kind of people stay at their homes or internet cafes for hours and they do not have time for real life. They reduce their relationships to internet friends. They often do not need to meet others in real life because their favorite friend is the computer. It is really dangerous because they may totally lose themselves in virtual life and forget about real life.
On the other hand I think that when someone plays (chodziło o 's'?) computer games not for too long there is not any risk. When he or she come back from school or work and just want to rest and enjoy time, (so tu pasowało moim zdaniem, takie przejście z jednej części zdania do drugiej, dalczego nie może być?) why not? I do not think that playing computer games for sensibly short periods of time is dangerous for relationships. It is really good way (way jest policzalne, i co to tutaj ma zmienic, bo nie rozumiem?) to forget about problems and just enjoy wonderful world where you can do everything you want. You can also meet someone interesting in online games and maybe meet in real life. I know some men who met their wives via online games.
In sum when you do not play too much it do not kill relationships, but when you do not keep balance it could end not well.


Jak teraz?

tak, chodzilo o brak koncowki 's'