list formalny - proszę o sprawdzenie poprawności:)

Dear Sir,
I am writing to enquire about financial support for our school Theatre Festival.
This event begin 10 April each year. Average 10 classes take part in this Theatre Festival. Most often are expose comedies, dramas and staging of popular boks. These plays are prepared by pupils and teachers of the humanistic subjects.
You should know that this Theatre Festival bring a lot of benefits for pupils and school. Students learn play on the scene in front of many people so they gain self-confidence and our school is more popular too.
We would appreciate if your company would give some money for festival. We need it, because the government of our city didn't support us and the Festival won't take place if we won't have money for that.
I hope you wll positively examine our request.
Yours faithfully XYZ

Ło raju... Ok moim zdaniem powinno być tak:

Dear Sirs, (chyba, że wiesz, do kogo ten e-mail trafi)

I am writing on behalf of Theatre Festival comitee of NAZWA SZKOŁY in MIEJSCOWOŚĆ. Please consider my request for funding of our college Theatre Festival.

Traditionally, the even begins 10.04. On average, 10 groups perform. The plays are usually comedies, dramas and adaptations of popular books. Be aware, that the Theatre Festival brings plenty of benefits to students and the school. Participants develop their self-confidence and acting skills. (fragment o
szkole bym wywaliła).

Unfortunately, this year the local government refused to fund the Festival and therefore we are looking for other means of funding. Without it, the event will not take place.


Jeśli chcecie dostać pieniądze musicie im coś zaoferować np:
On average LICZBA people watch the Festival every year. We can offer advertising during the festival, as well as a banner on our Festival/School website.

With kind regards,
XYZ

I am writing on behalf of 'A/THE' Theatre Festival coMMITTEE of NAZWA SZKOŁY in
MIEJSCOWOŚĆ. (Mozna dodac, Would you..) please consider my request for funding of our college Theatre Festival.
Traditionally, the evenT begins '10.04'(daty nie rozumiem - on the 10th April?).
'Be aware' (lepiej Please note..), that the Theatre Festival..
...refused to fund the Festival and 'therefore'(mozna consequently) we are..

ale narobiłam spellingów :) wybaczcie :) siedzę w domu z gorączką, może nie powinnam się mądrzyć na forum :))